W4 - Summary
Sunday, October 28, 2018
Relatively the same, technically up. It has always been challenging to see the scale go in the "wrong" direction, but this week I can point to reasons why - halloween candy, eating out multiple times, feeling unusually hungry and tired. I just need to accept and move forward.
Earlier this month, I made the long-overdue decision to cancel my gym membership... it was a complete waste of money given I wasn't using it, and I had a really bad experience the last time I was there. I technically have a week left there, but I've been thinking about switching to another gym slightly closer and more autonomous. A month-to-month membership is $50, but I'm thinking the extra $10/month is worth it to not be locked into an 18-month contract.
I've been in debate, but don't want to make a rash decision given that I tend to be all-or-nothing when it comes to this eating disorder behavior. I very intentionally decided to only focus on nutrition during the past month to get something - anything - back under my belt, helping to make it more of a routine. It's been helpful to simply track... it's given me renewed insight into my patterns, decision making and hunger cues. It's not been perfect, nor diet-oriented, instead it has been a month of learning and tweaking and choosing better. And for that I am proud.
Back to the gym thing... I know that we are approaching the end of the year, where it gets nuts with the "January-start, this-is-my-year" people, so for that reason alone I am debating avoiding the gym until February, but I also don't want to suffer just because the crazies will be coming out. I've been seriously considering subscribing to an online, monthly fitness service to bridge the gap. I've never, ever been successful with at-home fitness because A) the repetitive nature is boring and B) the instruction portion of the video makes me want bang my head against the wall. BUT. There is one option that is intriguing because A) I love the dance class and the only time the local gym offers it doesn't work for me, B) It costs $20/each time I go, C) the online membership is 1/5 the cost of the gym membership and there is a 30 day free trial. Seems like a no-brainer to give it a shot during November. If I like it, I like it. If I don't, then I am not out any money and I still have options. If I DO like it, then I will work to suck it up through the winter and explore my options again in the spring.
Then there is the option of OTF... when I "tried" a class back on Labor Day, it was a huge mistake for several reasons. 1) It was a holiday - too many people, 2) It was an O3 class - again, too many people and class moved too quickly for me to understand what was going on, 3) I was on my 3rd week of detox and exhausted...almost immediately, my legs started cramping up - just walking - and I knew after 20 minutes that I could not make it through a 1 hour class. So I left. There were twinges of shame - I was "that" girl again - but the truth was, it was also self-care. I never gave myself, or my body, credit for how hard detoxing can be on energy levels and energetic pathways. Once this round of full-body detox is over, I think I owe it to myself to try again just to see if it is something I want to be doing.
I've made it a month. Much less dramatic than the last time I was intentionally working on myself, but intentional none-the-less. And I can't argue with any weight loss - I'll take it any way I can get it. Onward and downward.
W4: +0.2# (total -6.6#)
W3: -1.4# (total - 6.8#)
W2: -3.6# (total -5.4#)
W1: -1.8# (total -1.8#)