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jokes and nuts

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

jokes and nuts
This is our assignment for the Aspire and Inspire sparkteam

October 22nd is National Nut Day. This day is NOT about the neighbor that lives down the street or the crazy co-worker, it is a food holiday that celebrates a healthy and nutritious snack.
Nuts are a highly prized food and energy source and are a primary source of nutrients for both humans and wildlife. Many of them are used in cooking, eaten raw, sprouted or roasted as a snack food and pressed for oil that is used in cookery and cosmetics.

The fats found in nuts, for the most part, are unsaturated fats including monounsaturated fats.

Are nuts a part of your healthy diet? yes, I like nuts What are your favorite nuts? My favorite nut is peanut but technically it's not a nut, but a legume.
So my favorite nuts is almond. Almond is America favorite nuts. In fact, the average American consumes 2 pounds of almonds a year, a stark difference from the '70s, when it hovered around a quarter-pound, reports the Washington Post. The Top Healthiest Nuts are 1. Almonds, 2. Walnuts
3. Pecans 4. Brazil Nuts and 5. Cedar Nuts.

A husband was making a breakfast of fried eggs for his wife. Suddenly his wife burst into the kitchen.
"Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful.
CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The husband stared at her.
"What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The wife calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

How to Address Inmates
A pastor just fresh from Bible College, was invited to speak at a chapel service in a prison.
He was very excited but being his very first time, he was very nervous as well. He thought hard how to introduce his message. On the day he arrived at the prison, he was greeted by a large group of prisoners waiting to hear him. As the young pastor walked and stood behind the pulpit, he said, β€˜Good morning. It’s so good to see you here!’

pieces of advice for women regarding men:
1. Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do when your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door behind him.
3. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander. Its too small to be out on it's own.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
7. The definition of a bachelor is a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are do-it-yourself types.
9. The best way to get a man to do something is to say he's too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what kind of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember, a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes. It means that you laugh at him.
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