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Monday, October 22, 2018

...Or why do I put myself into these positions? I have an old friend (emphasis on “old”... as in older than my father, closer to what my grandfather would have been) who named me as his health care proxy many years ago when he went into assisted living. He has since developed dementia, and various other serious physical problems associated with aging. Anyways, I got a call from the nursing home yesterday that he had been transported to the ER with pneumonia and urosepsis... either of which is extremely serious in someone of his age and condition, but together...? I am half expecting a call to come any time now asking for an end of life decision. He and I had several long discussions on the subject when his mom was passing away over 20 years ago, so at least I have some idea what his wishes and beliefs are, but it is a huge responsibility. It’s one agreed to, but I gotta admit I didn’t think it through first. Partially, because I was his only option... and partially because it seemed so very far in the future. Why is it that if it isn’t an immediate responsibility we don’t weigh all the factors and just blithely agree to take it on? (Or at least that seems to be MY pattern) As much as I was stunned by Mother’s sudden death a couple of years ago now. I am coming to realize that she would have hated a long, lingering illness with multiple hospitalizations, and forcing her family to make a decision like this for her. So, in some ways her passing was a blessing. It was fast, sudden... very little fuss or muss... just like her. Not to say I don’t miss her! I do. But I firmly believe she left this life in the manner she intended. Not this apparently has anything specifically to do with diet and exercise, but does in a way... as I am having to fight emotional eating as I contemplate the decisions I will probably have to make in the near future for my friend. And I am using exercise (specifically walking meditation) to clear my mind and attempt to destress. So far, so good...
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    emoticon emoticon
    178 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    I understand your plight. It is hard to make those decisions for someone. Your mom's passing as you said was kinda a blessing in disguise. I had an aunt who always wanted her end to be like her husband, who passed away suddenly too. He had heart problems but it didn't suffer with that very long. Anyways she kept saying that's the way she wanted to go, as she was deathly afraid of being put in a nursing home. Lo and behold when her time came, she sat down in a comfy chair of hers took off her glasses, put her head down and just passed. No pain from what we can tell, just a peaceful passing according to the medical examiner. It was a shock, but now in hind sight I'm glad she got her wish. I don't think I could of taken her suffering and lingering with some chronic illness. She had a full and long life and I am so grateful for that.

    So I do understand, hope you will be at peace whatever decisions you make. emoticon
    180 days ago
  • KATIE5668
    Indeed an emotional situation..but you know his wishes and will carry them out. That is the utmost of friendship. Know that you are doing what he wanted and tis the right decision to make.
    Hugs for strength!! emoticon
    181 days ago
    Thank you so much for your loving kindness and compassion through a stressful situation. I am so grateful that you can be his voice, especially when it is difficult. Thank you.
    181 days ago
    I know it's hard to be strong right now. Hugs to you. emoticon
    182 days ago
    All you can do is make the best decision possible based on the discussions you had w/him. It's not easy to make those end-of-life decisions. I had to do it for both my parents. We had many discussions about it, so I did my best to uphold their wishes, just as I know you will.
    182 days ago
  • MBPP50
    Oh, sweet friend, I know this is a big responsibility but I am glad that your friend made his wishes very clear to you so that a very difficult decision will possibly be a little easier. Sending prayers for your friend and you. emoticon
    182 days ago
    The decision is hard, but, you know what he would want. I had to make this decision for my Father in Law and even knowing exactly how he felt it was so hard. You can do it and I will be praying for your strength.
    182 days ago
    Sending you peaceful energy
    182 days ago
    Be strong and know that you've discussed this with him. It is hard but....to honor his wishes is what he would want you to do.
    182 days ago
  • LINDA058
    These are decisions that many don’t thoroughly consider. Remember his wishes and continue to take care of yourself so you can find the strength to carry them out.
    182 days ago
    Oh dear Chandra, we take on these things because we are kind and feeling people.Yes it is something we think of as far in the future but you hit the nail on the head when you said "I was his only option " You did not think it through because you did what you knew in your heart was right. Yes it is a huge responsibility but you know what he would want and you are kind and thoughtful and as always I am proud to call you friend.Your kindness in doing this makes you someone special.You will fight the emtoional eating.Feel free to destress by talking to us your friends. We have faith in you.We believe in you. We know you will do what is best. You are special and kind and you have all the right attributes and I for one think your friend chose wisely.
    182 days ago
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