Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Why do I do this to myself? I do this every time. It's almost like I am expecting a failure. I am defeating myself before I even start.
Does that sound like everyone who has ever went on a life style journey. It's like you get stuck at a certain point and you don't want to go further because of a fear that you may lose some of who you are and that scares you. I lost 27 pounds. Sounds good, right? Of course, I am happy about that, but was it really me making the changes or was it the fact that I am on medication that could help you lose weight.
I know a lot more than I have last year. I eat more fruit and vegetables. I still have my doubt though. I do my exercises everyday. I spend about five minutes doing my exercises I learned in physical therapy. Even that is beginning to seem really easy. I make on an average 8000 steps a day. I don't think that is enough. The weight is not coming off.
Am I so focusing on a number that I am forgetting what my real goal is. I have been in a slump. I crave everything under the sun. I crave chips, but I hate the overly salt taste. I crave sweets, but sweets don't agree with me. I am so afraid to get a very high reading on my meter. I worked hard stabilizing my diabetes. My A1C is at 5.7. It took a little over 10 years to get my sugars to be under control. I just don't want them to get so out of control that I just totally give up.
Also, people are complementing me on losing weight like it is an easy feat to begin with. You look like you lost weight you are looking great, they say. Problem is, I've always looked great. I may not have felt the greatest, but I have always tried to keep and neat and acceptable appearance. Why can't people see past your out word appearance and see what's in front of them the whole time.
Why do I feel like I have lost and have these feelings?
Thank you for reading my rant,