W1 - Summary
Sunday, October 07, 2018
Time flies, and yet we have the same 24 hours in each day. The irony of it.
Having been on a psuedo-vacation 2 weeks ago, I reluctantly took a photo that was full-body. When I looked at it, I didn't recognize myself and decided enough was enough.
I had reread "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth on that trip, and what stood out to me was "Pay Attention". I had the sudden - oh I don't know - "aha" or "epiphany" or whatever you want to label it that I wasn't paying attention to my life. I mean, I knew this cognitively but suddenly it hit home that I had been completely ignoring my world and simply existing. No connection to "being", and certainly not feeling important enough to take care of.
The day after I got home, I decided to start tracking my food again aiming for moderation and feeling full, but not restricting as I have in the past. Here's the deal - how many times have I been down this road? So many. Too many. I know what to do. This is not a problem of knowledge, this is a problem of doing. But what I can't do is do what I have in the past, because that is not sustainable. I have a lot of information of what works and for how long it works, so I have to moderate to ensure sustainability.
I digress. Spark set my calories to 1640-1990. My average was 2320 which is pretty good considering I ate out 5x and estimated a lot of the meals. The long and the short of it is I know I have been eating more than that in the past, so working towards less is a good place for me to be right now.
Movement you ask? Well, I had a really poor experience at the gym I belong to (that I never go to) and decided enough was enough of spending money on something I didn't use. I put in my notice. I have the rest of this month to go, but honestly they treated my friends so poorly I have no interest. I've found an Anytime Fitness that is close to me, but it's even more money than the other one if I am going month-to-month, but I also don't want to make an 18 month commitment right now and be stuck again. I am sitting on my decision because I'm still not sure which way to go. Plus, focusing on food is a lot of work right now. I don't want to get bold, try to address movement and eating at the same time, and then fail at both.
Slow and steady wins the race, right?
So it's been a long, strange journey where I find myself back at the beginning. Well, not the beginning, one week in. And that week is important because I did it. There was no drama attached. I still lived my life. But I paid attention. Paid attention to me. And as it turns out, that is pretty important.