Friday, October 05, 2018
At the end of July I lost my mother. My sister couldn't reach her after she said she was going to take a nap. My sister called me when she couldn't get her on the phone and we went over to her house and found her. She looked very peaceful but it was such a shock! Mother was 91 and still living in the home she shared with our father and was becoming terrified of ever having to leave it some day. The police officers that showed up when we called 911 looked around the home to be sure all was okay and we could hear them commenting about how clean and organized her home was, and wondering who her cleaning service was. My sister and I went from crying to laughter as we told them it was her, all her. She still did her own housework and had done all the yard until a couple years ago. The police officers were so kind and talked with us about her until someone came to pick up the body.
It has been so hard since then dealing with lawyers, cleaning out the home and selling it. So much to do and emotions were high. We were making mistakes trying to deal with the house and the car, who gets what, and it seemed like there was no time to grieve properly. So much red tape even though mother had done a good job setting it up. The one thing we all wish she had done differently is she made all three kids executors. With a brother living far away and having recently survived heart surgery it was a problem. We needed him to sign things while he was here for the funeral, and trying to go so quickly was what caused us to make mistakes.
I am doing better now emotionally, and I lost 10 pounds from the stress which I am trying to keep off. (And I clenched my jaw so hard I cracked a tooth in the root area.) I am remembering how mother kept to a schedule and worked hard. She kept her diet simple and had regular meals. She loved to eat out at places that served meat, potato and vegetables. I think of them as farm table foods, which is how she grew up. She never dieted in her life, and never gave up a food group, yet she remained strong until recently.
I know she was under a lot of stress worrying about our brother and his poor health. I believe the stress did it, but I would never want to have him think that he caused her death in any way. It is just the way it was. Couldn't be helped. And mother was telling me she never wanted to outlive any of her children, or go into assisted living. She was the helper, not a good patient. I have a lot of that in me too. I do, and don't like to be done for.
I am trying to keep mothers way of daily living in my thoughts as I go about my day. I tend to get sidetracked more now after retiring. Something about not having deadlines has made me lax. I bought some timers to keep around to make myself stick to a task for a predetermined amount of time before I get called off to go somewhere else. I really studied her home and took photos of closets and stuff to remember, but also to motivate myself to strive for her perfection. I do this in memory of her.
I write this blog for me. When I take pen to paper I get too emotional. But typing seems different. I am grateful we three siblings made it through. And a local doctor approached us about purchasing mother's home for a younger brother just starting out in his career, and that is completed now. The doctor was actually a client of mine in my previous career, so I know him to be an honest, caring person. The neighbors are going to love the new family. The house is only a block away from me so he will be my neighbor too. I can't go past the house yet, but I will get there.
I am running errands in the rain today. Just don't want to stay home, and the rain is needed so I don't mind being out in it. Buying produce to roast in the oven for batch cooking this afternoon, and soup supplies. I love soups more than salads, but have eaten so many salads because of the hot weather. Soup weather is so welcome! And I bought ice cream because of the cracked tooth, but couldn't bring myself to eat it. Wasn't as good as I remembered. Soup is so much better tasting! Gosh my tastes have changed for the better!
And I am off to run around with DH, who is waiting patiently for me. I do love that man!