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My Mother

Friday, October 05, 2018

At the end of July I lost my mother. My sister couldn't reach her after she said she was going to take a nap. My sister called me when she couldn't get her on the phone and we went over to her house and found her. She looked very peaceful but it was such a shock! Mother was 91 and still living in the home she shared with our father and was becoming terrified of ever having to leave it some day. The police officers that showed up when we called 911 looked around the home to be sure all was okay and we could hear them commenting about how clean and organized her home was, and wondering who her cleaning service was. My sister and I went from crying to laughter as we told them it was her, all her. She still did her own housework and had done all the yard until a couple years ago. The police officers were so kind and talked with us about her until someone came to pick up the body.

It has been so hard since then dealing with lawyers, cleaning out the home and selling it. So much to do and emotions were high. We were making mistakes trying to deal with the house and the car, who gets what, and it seemed like there was no time to grieve properly. So much red tape even though mother had done a good job setting it up. The one thing we all wish she had done differently is she made all three kids executors. With a brother living far away and having recently survived heart surgery it was a problem. We needed him to sign things while he was here for the funeral, and trying to go so quickly was what caused us to make mistakes.

I am doing better now emotionally, and I lost 10 pounds from the stress which I am trying to keep off. (And I clenched my jaw so hard I cracked a tooth in the root area.) I am remembering how mother kept to a schedule and worked hard. She kept her diet simple and had regular meals. She loved to eat out at places that served meat, potato and vegetables. I think of them as farm table foods, which is how she grew up. She never dieted in her life, and never gave up a food group, yet she remained strong until recently.

I know she was under a lot of stress worrying about our brother and his poor health. I believe the stress did it, but I would never want to have him think that he caused her death in any way. It is just the way it was. Couldn't be helped. And mother was telling me she never wanted to outlive any of her children, or go into assisted living. She was the helper, not a good patient. I have a lot of that in me too. I do, and don't like to be done for.

I am trying to keep mothers way of daily living in my thoughts as I go about my day. I tend to get sidetracked more now after retiring. Something about not having deadlines has made me lax. I bought some timers to keep around to make myself stick to a task for a predetermined amount of time before I get called off to go somewhere else. I really studied her home and took photos of closets and stuff to remember, but also to motivate myself to strive for her perfection. I do this in memory of her.

I write this blog for me. When I take pen to paper I get too emotional. But typing seems different. I am grateful we three siblings made it through. And a local doctor approached us about purchasing mother's home for a younger brother just starting out in his career, and that is completed now. The doctor was actually a client of mine in my previous career, so I know him to be an honest, caring person. The neighbors are going to love the new family. The house is only a block away from me so he will be my neighbor too. I can't go past the house yet, but I will get there.

I am running errands in the rain today. Just don't want to stay home, and the rain is needed so I don't mind being out in it. Buying produce to roast in the oven for batch cooking this afternoon, and soup supplies. I love soups more than salads, but have eaten so many salads because of the hot weather. Soup weather is so welcome! And I bought ice cream because of the cracked tooth, but couldn't bring myself to eat it. Wasn't as good as I remembered. Soup is so much better tasting! Gosh my tastes have changed for the better!

And I am off to run around with DH, who is waiting patiently for me. I do love that man!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am sorry for your loss
    214 days ago
    What a beautiful tribute to your wonderful mother. She sounds very special and you were a loving daughter to her. It's so touching that you would take pictures of her organization for inspiration: I am sure that would have pleased her very much!

    Sympathy on your loss.
    252 days ago
  • EILEEN828
    emoticon an inevitable journey to take during life. Every one seems to be put in a tailspin when someone passes away, you seem to have done a very good job, mistakes and all. I'm glad to hear you and your siblings were able to work together, its very easy for things to get out of hand, (that would be my family, case in point) so be very grateful for that. Gradually memories of your mom's loss will stop being painful and you'll be able to have comfort and love from them instead, do your best to keep your family ties strong. emoticon
    253 days ago
    you have my sincere sympathy emoticon
    253 days ago
    My heart goes out to you. I have been through it and know how hard it is. It's a blessing that your mom lived such a good long life and that God called her to him in her sleep. It's the best way to go. She sounded amazing. I know from personal experience that there is never a time when you are ready to give them up but she was able to live the life she loved until the end. It's not easy to get through all of the estate stuff and all of us make mistakes. It's to be expected at such a stressful time. There is a lot of your mother in you. She would be proud. I hope memories of her comfort you. Sending a prayer and a hug.
    253 days ago
  • RAMONA1954
    I'm so sorry for your loss.
    253 days ago
    You have such a positive outlook. Keep the sunny emoticon side up!
    253 days ago
  • SPEEDY143
    What beautiful memories you have of your mother. What a wonderful life she lead and how blessed she was that her children out lived her. So sorry for your loss. Enjoy your DH emoticon
    253 days ago
    Prayers and peace for You. Y'all were blessed to have had her that long. My mother is 92 and still lives in the house that I grew up in.
    253 days ago
    HUGS and prayers for you. It's tough going thru the loss of either parent. Lost both my parents within 3 mths of each other last year. But sweet memories make it all a little easier to handle.

    253 days ago
  • LINDA!
    I am so sorry for your loss. I know how it hurts. You were so fortunate to keep her until 91. My mother died of cancer at 62. I am so happy that you feel support. emoticon It is so good that her house is sold. The buyer was probably thrilled with how clean it was. emoticon
    253 days ago
    emoticon May you have grace in your grief. You've done very well getting things resolved so quickly, as far as the "stuff" is concerned. Your mom was a good role model for the sunset years ahead!
    253 days ago
    You are doing an incredible job in a short amount of time. Be kind to yourself.
    253 days ago
    Love and hugs, glad you are processing and it is awesome to have a good DH.
    253 days ago
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