Not Far Enough
Tuesday, October 02, 2018
I thought I'd take a progress photo today, since my 274 lb photo (my highest weight) was taken professionally at my grandmother's 95th birthday party one year ago this past Sunday. What I saw has made my heart sink. I'm not where I wanted to be. I do see subtle changes, but not in the way I had hoped. Yeah, my tummy isn't sticking out as far, but that double chin and the rolls still are a bigger mess than I really want to deal with.
Sure, I spent a lot of time dealing with pain and the inability to really move up until about May, but I haven't really had an excuse since then. Why am I still not working out now that it is October. Yes, my job has made me feel like a prisoner in my own house with the extremely long hours, but I'm still just as much to blame. Last night I wanted to go to the gym just to either walk laps in the pool, or walk on the treadmill for a bit, but I didn't. I turned on a movie and stayed on the couch. Wrong move.
I signed up for a kickboxing class (beginner, despite truly not being a beginner), but I haven't actually gone for my orientation, yet, due to my schedule. Again, still my fault. I can tell work that I have an appointment and I'll be back in an hour.
Self-care is important, and I need to remember that. I've been in this place before while I was in college and working as a live-in-caregiver, who didn't have any time off for myself. I wound up having a nervous breakdown while in that position, and here I am working the same type of hours. I need to remember what happened the last time.
The weight will come off, I need to remember that. I just need to remember that I have to take action in order to get it come off. Inaction does not do a thing to make it come off. And I need to remind myself of that.