SUZEMARIE73
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Not really about weightloss. Overwhelmed with Life.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Did I ever mention that my husband and I have custody of his 10 yr old son? We didn't for the bulk of our relationship. Previously we had all 3 of his kids intermittently--like for the weekends. Then back in June, our son's mother decided that she couldn't handle him anymore and we went to pick him up. He's been with us since. ...

I've always wanted kids. I've always loved my husband's kids like they are my own. But...a 10 yr old with behavioral and educational issues? I'm not sure I can handle this. I know it's part of the package deal and I do love him, but this isn't how I envisioned my newlywed months being spent--pursuing educational and psychological testing, getting calls from the school over behavioral issues and living with 3 people in a 1 bedroom apartment because I haven't been able to secure a larger or more comfortable living arrangement yet.

I fear this is going to take a toll on my health, my weight loss, and my marriage. We are very good about putting each other first and trying to live the Christian marriage model, but I am currently feeling very lost and very overwhelmed.

Once we get testing results back and find out what the real issues are I can only pray that the information will help us make better choices as we move forward. But on days like today? I just wish I could send him back to his mom's even though I KNOW that's not what is in his best interest. I feel like a terrible mom for even saying something like that...

...I just feel like I'm drowning today.
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  • ENGINEERMOM
    *hugs* Parenting is hard, whether they came to you as babies or a bit older. It's ok to admit this isn't how you pictured your life going - what matters is how you move forward. My sister was in a similar situation when she first married her husband two years ago, 3 step kids, the two older ones pretty much out of the house, but the younger boy, also 10 when they married, also dealing with learning, behavioral, and mental health stuff. I wouldn't say things are perfect, but they did get better - he's getting some of the help he needed, and they're learning how to help him help himself.

    Being a newlywed is hard, too. For us, the first year of our marriage was the roughest - I got pregnant unexpectedly 4 months in, money was tight, and we, too, spent over a year with 3 people living in a 1-BR apartment. Granted, one of those people couldn't walk yet and slept in a crib in the living room, but it certainly wasn't how I envisioned my first kid (nursery, yard, etc.). We've now been married 11 years, and I'm so glad we worked through those hard times - I said on my wedding day that I married my best friend, and it's even more true now.

    One thing I found very helpful while we were learning how to be married to each other was Gottman's "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work". It's research-based techniques for communicating better, dealing with the stresses of life better, and the best part for me - it really communicates the freedom to make your marriage your own. Figure out what works for the two of you, rather than just imitating what you grew up with, or have been told marriage should look like. No two good, Christian marriages look alike - we all have to negotiate our personality differences, habits, family-of-origin issues, and expectations to forge our own, unique marriage.
    920 days ago

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