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Thursday, September 13, 2018

Or rather Radical Acceptance, is the latest concept we have been discussing in DBT group. It is one of the main ways to truly accept reality (both the positive and the negative) and change suffering (which for these purposes is defined as pain + non acceptance) into ordinary pain... which can be managed/resolved and allows me to move forward with my life. What radical acceptance is NOT is passively accepting what is or allowing a bad situation to continue. Indeed, it is the first step in creating effective changes! I have to accept what is in the moment in order to see what changes need to be made... really there are only four available options when it comes to responding to pain/suffering 1. Solve the problem causing me pain (which may mean leaving the situation). 2. Change my feeling/attitude about the problem. 3. Acceptance of the problem causing me pain. 4. Or staying miserable! Radical acceptance takes the third option and asks me to accept the reality of the problem with all of myself (body, mind, and spirit)... it is not a denial of emotion, but recognizing the reality of my emotional reactions to events going on around me... as well as the events themselves, such that I can change my misery (but first I have to accept that I AM Miserable)... So, how does this apply to my healthy lifestyle journey? In many ways I did this when I started this journey. And I bet many others did as well. I was so sick and tired and being overweight was merely a function of that. When I accepted the reality of the fact that I was morbidly obese, only then was I able to create a change in that reality. And when I changed the reality of being morbidly obese I changed the reality of being sick and tired ( and miserable) ... never mind the last month when I was sick with this and that, bleh. The facts are the facts, even when they are unpleasant. And the fact was that I was slowly dying and I was allowing it to happen. In fact, I was assisting the process with every bite, sip, nibble, binge. But, at some point I accepted the reality (and the responsibility) and from that point I was able to recognize that life WAS worth living... even with the pain of living it (events, emotions, health conditions). I had to accept that pain cannot be avoided, and when I had turned away from the reality and responsibility of my health and weight it turned pain into suffering! It kept me stuck in shame, bitterness, cycles of binges, and sedentary living. Acceptance of reality did not make me a happy go lucky person without pain, or sadness. I am human, and as far as I can tell those are components of the human condition. But it is what I do with pain that determines whether I am dealing with pain that is manageable and resolvable (even if the only resolution I get is acceptance of the reality), or soul-deep suffering. I have experienced both in my life. I have to say that the manageable “ordinary” pain is much less paralyzing and debilitating than suffering. Personally, I will do what I can to move through suffering as quickly as possible, even if it means accepting the reality of it in the moment. The only way out of misery is through the misery! Just as the only way to lose the weight was one pound at a time, and the only way to keep it off was to face and accept the reality of my motivations for becoming that overweight person in the first place. I had to accept the reality of my misery (physical, mental, emotional) in order to create lasting change in my reality. And I did. And I have. It is not easy. It is hard. But it was definitely worth it for me!
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  • BJAEGER307
    Very well said! So much wisdom and true points to consider. Thank you for this blog, although I'm late in reading it. I really enjoyed this blog!
    159 days ago
  • KATIE5668
    excellent...very wise words..Indeed some hard choices and hard work.
    There are so many examples out there of folks that just refuse to let issues win...they fight thru it
    Thanks for sharing this lesson with all of us!
    160 days ago
    Chandra, this IS an outstanding blog!! Oh, most definitely!!

    You put as is it is. It comes down to choices. Either we choose to keep digging out, being immobile or we fight it, a huge fight!! And live life again.

    I'm so GLAD we chose LIFE!!
    160 days ago
    I love ths blog and lots to thin about for sure! Thank you.
    160 days ago
    Yes, studying compassion yesterday, it was so interesting to note that mentioning acceptance as an option can sort of feel like it is opposed to "fighting for what you want", but is really just facing reality.

    We are all better equipped to "fight" or deal with anything when we are at least back to reality!

    160 days ago
    Good stuff here.
    160 days ago
    emoticon Happy for you. emoticon
    161 days ago
    Sure is a lot to mull over in your blog. You do express yourself very well emoticon
    161 days ago
  • MBPP50
    So very well said. Your blogs are so well written and say things that I know but could never put into words so eloquently. Thank you. emoticon
    161 days ago
  • LOF7203
    Good for you
    161 days ago
    Chandra this blog is so full of wisdom and it applies to so many things. I refuse to let them send me to the chronic pain clinics any more because like you I have learned to deal with my pain. No it is not particularly easy but it has to be done.If I had given up after the initial injuries I would not have had the pleasure of your friendship so there is one big benefit I can see right there to learning to deal with the pain.You brighten my nights regularly and I thank you!
    161 days ago
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