CANDOK1260
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jokes and review of August goals and September goals

Sunday, September 09, 2018

jokes and review of August goals and September goals
This is our assignment for the Aspire and Inspire sparkteam:
It look like I never made August goals. Maybe I didn't because
mom was in the hospital. I know I gain weight. I been eating a
lot of junk food. But with mom home my diet will be healthier.

September goal

1 Eat less CRAP -
C-CARBONATED DRINKS -
R-REFINED SUGAR -
A- ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS & COLOR -
P- PROCESED FOODS-

2 EAT MORE FOOD:
F- FRUITS & VEGGIES -try to eat 3 different freggie a day-and at least one being a veggie
O- ORGANIC LEAN PROTEIND-
0-O- OMEGA 3 FATTY ACIDIS-
D-DRINK WATER -
3. . focus on my ASPIRE & INSPIRE team
4. . focus on my SPICY SPARKOLOGISTS
5. .focus on my walking team

6. A commitment to keep my 10+ fitness minutes streak going I am now on my 458 days
7. LOSE weight I now weight 178.2
8.no eating in the middle of the night-
9. start tracking my fitness minutes

jokes
An Old Man's Confession
An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair. I made love to two 21 year old girls. Both of them. Twice."
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"Are you kidding? I'm telling everybody!"

Signs Your Cat May Be Trying To Kill You
Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
He actually *does* have your tongue.
You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse.
Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.
Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
You find a piece of paper labelled "MY WIL" which says "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."
sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.

Joke of the Week

DIVORCE VS MURDER
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,"I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked,"Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband.
That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail!
All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • AMYBELLES
    It’s natural that you had an off-month with your mom being in the hospital and nursing home. I hope she is doing better. She’s home now then? I hope all goes well with you helping to take care of her. I wish you a happy and successful month!
    8 days ago
  • HAPPYDAZ1
    I really like your humorous side. I shared your jokes with my hubby he laughed too. Great goals and I enjoyed how yo used CRAP, FOOD...don't eat CRAP eat more FOOD. Your goals are all very achievable. Good luck in September; I know you will succeed.
    9 days ago
  • WONDERGALE
    Great goals! Funny jokes! emoticon
    9 days ago
  • DIANEDOESSMILES
    Lololol Karen!!! Girl I saw your blog pop up and me UAD to come here immediately!!

    Love the goals,,,,howx your Mom? You?

    The 80 yr old and the pharmacist jokes I WILL be telling.
    9 days ago
  • CATLOVER110
    Good luck with your September goals! emoticon
    9 days ago
  • NOMI_822
    Funny Jokes, thanks I needed that today, LOL! I make small goals each month and post on my blog the first. It helps me stay more focused I hope it works for you as well! Good luck with your goals! emoticon emoticon
    9 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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