Looking back... my silver lining for today
Saturday, September 08, 2018
I don’t like to dwell too much in the past, but sometimes it helps to remind myself of where I was when I started this journey. (And yes, I know, I have posted several blogs lately about this.., there are times when the message needs to be reinforced in my little rabbit brain). So, the picture is of a pair of jeans in the size I currently wear laid on top of the one pair of pants that I kept from when I was at my heaviest weight. A size 32 to a size 10. Now, I recognize, all things being equal, that cut, brand, material make a pretty big difference in what each “size” represents, but still it makes me feel accomplished to say “I did THAT!” No tricks, no gimmicks, no special programs besides the common sense cornerstones of the SparkPeople plan, trackers and community.
What it took to achieve that 100+ pound loss was a determination that I WAS worth it, that it WAS worth the investment of my time and effort to improve my health, and live a longer and (hopefully) happier life. I am not knocking people who are happy at whatever weight they are now... but I simply wasn’t. I was miserable. I had to make the decision to make the changes necessary to remove myself from misery. Misery can become comfortable. And I really don’t do well with change. But it was a matter of life and death by the time I made the choice (no hyperbole, just simple fact)... which made it simpler in some ways... I had two choices: to give up and (in effect) sign my own death certificate, or make a choice to change and invest my time and effort in that change, and deal with the discomfort of changes in order to continue to be alive. Obviously, I chose life. Every time I make another healthy choice I choose life again. (But, I have to be vigilant, because the temptation to go back to what and where I was habit-wise can be seductive).
Those pants are symbolic. They aren’t merely cloth and zippers and buttons to me. They measure the amount of energy I have invested in myself to create the changes that have made the difference in my outlook, and in my health.
Sometimes I still do dumb things... this lingering illness that I have been dealing with? Yes, I had a virus, followed by a secondary bacterial infection... and the PA at the doctors office told me to drink plenty of sports drinks to offset the effects of being the kind of sick I was being... but being so sick when I went shopping I wasn’t paying attention, and didn’t read labels! I picked up a bunch of bottles with a big “G” on them, so it must be that brand name Sport drink , right? Nope! It was the low sugar version... and the sugar substitute has been making me have ongoing issues, in combination with a supplement (which I have taken for over 3 years without issue). Normally, I don’t see much effect from sugar substitutes, but combined with getting over a GI virus and a bacterial infection, and that supplement it seems to have done a number on me (probably)... I am cautiously optimistic that I will see gradual and continual improvement of the lingering issues. It would be a relief... as well as mildly embarrassing... lol... that’ll be a reminder to me to read labels carefully, eat as clean a diet as possible, and of course, try not to shop for myself when I am that sick, because obviously I am incompetent! Read those labels, people!