SHAME Resilience = COURAGE...
Tuesday, September 04, 2018
This summer I have added some books focused on spirituality that I am finding fascinating...what a way to relate,.,.,.Here is a FAVOURITE I am presently reading & can I RELATE TO THIS ONE! The Gifts Of Imperfection...Let Go Of Who You Think You Are Supposed To Be and Embrace Who You Are,,,Your Guide To A Wholehearted Life written by Bren'e Brown.
It talks about feelings of unworthiness, people pleasing, being authentic & feeling vulnerable. The AHA MOMENT came to me in the description of the difference between Shame & Guilt...
Here was my example: Most of this summer I have not sparked regularly. My team activity has been hit & miss. My weight has climbed, which led to the vicious circle of guilt of overeating, not making healthy food choices, watching too much TV., making excuses like the weather has been a great one due to our high heat this summer. Then the shame of realizing...I did this to me..I need to set a good example since I am a fitness leader out in the community as well as a team leader on our spark site.
Description SHAME IS I AM BAD. GUILT IS I"VE DONE A BAD THING. Both of these are related to emotional eating issues, addiction, bullying, depression, aggression & violence.
So I'm displaying my vulnerability in spark land because I know it is my safe place to share my story, such that it is.
My sharing with you I am freeing myself from those physical feelings of tightness in my shoulders, heat in my cheeks & a pit in my stomach that I get when I attempt to people please & it doesn't work out.
Yesterday, I was beginning my new fall regiment of MINDFUL eating & no eating after dinner. As I relaxed watching TV, I felt the craving for sweets that have been common with me due to a habit forming pattern of late. I went to the pantry, counting out the portion of 8 pretzels & added a heaping TBSP. of nutella...I sucked off the salt & enjoyed them all lickety split...That wasn't enough so I went back, grabbed the bag & filled a bowl with more pretzels & yes, more nutella. I washed it all down with an 8 oz. glass of 1% milk.
When I was done, the physical feelings of shame washed over me that I described previously. I can't believe I did that, I said to myself...so sad & upset with myself...Then guilt took over, what would others think of my behaviour...my hubby would see the nutella dishes in the sink...so the secret washing up began...what would my class think today as I had the bloated belly syndrome at my group session today...that would require a loose fitness top to cover my mid section...people pleasing at its best!!!
I am spilling my bloated guts to you all as my way to cleanse my spirit & let you know that we all have our issues at one time or another & just because you fall off the wagon, it doesn't me you should feel less than...it was a hard lesson to impact me & yes I'm not perfect but no matter how I am perceived by others, I am good enough for me...feeling the freedom of courage & striving to add shame resilience to my life.
How courageous are you?