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Anxiety... just drive?

Tuesday, September 04, 2018

I live with anxiety as a constant companion. Some days it’s more manageable than others. Then there are mornings like THIS morning, when I wake up fretting and anxious about nothing and everything. I can’t put a finger on what specifically I am anxious about, but I feel it deep in my gut ( and as many of you know, my gut is already unsettled to start with these days), and my mind is churning. If I were worried about one concrete topic or concern I think I would find it easier to manage, but it is amorphous and unfocused. I am just anxious about everything. I will try and quiet my mind a little with meditation, and a walk in the quiet, dark of the pre-dawn will probably help empty out the churning, but for this moment upon waking, it is overwhelming and uncomfortable. I may live with this anxiety, but I still have things I have to do in order to live my life and function as best I can. And I do those things daily. I have had to make some adaptations and concessions however, for safety reasons. Thankfully, I have family who will help me with rides to appointments when I am unable to drive. (That’s my main concession/adaptation at the moment). My geographical limitations are becoming more pronounced, which is rather distressing. I used to be the original “road trip girl”.., wherever, whenever, I was up for it! Now, I can’t drive up to Buffalo... or even its suburbs. If I get in the car with the intention of driving there... I have a full blown panic attack. I simply can’t do it. I think it’s the inability to do something that I used to do without thinking twice about that is distressing. Just get in the car and go... what was once simple... isn’t any longer. It takes away a piece of my independence. And I fought hard to establish my independence after I was so sick in my 20s and 30s. But... I DO have family who love me and support me. And I DO have my dog to help even me out. And I CAN go out for a pre-dawn walk safely in my sleepy little village. Those are my silver linings for this morning. Even anxious and overwrought I can still see silver linings, so it could be worse!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I used to drive long distances without a qualm - just had to drive 300 miles to Sedona & back. Not as much fun as I remember, but, reluctantly doable. I’ve got most everything I need locally within 5 miles ( dentist, VA hospital for PCP, strip mall for shopping ... the yoga place I go to is 8 miles, & seems like a forever drive.) I can se my boundaries shrinking, which makes me glad that I joined in for yoga! I had to get over my irrational dislike for the interstate both in town & going out of state.

    I hope your amorphous discomfort gets better.
    160 days ago
    My brother has developed anxiety attacks over the past 3 years. There are days that he can't drive and my SIL has to take over. He was always one to take long hikes on his own and this is no longer possible. He has to have someone with him. He had an attack in the car (luckily my SIL was driving) and she thought that he was having some type of seizure. She drove him to the nearest hospital and they scared her half to death when they told her (without taking any definitive tests) that they thought he had an aneurysm and that she should prepare herself for his possible death!!!!! Finally, another Dr. took over, tested him extensively, and said that it was a major panic attack. He has done much better with a change in medications, exercise, deep breathing exercises, etc.

    I am sorry that you suffer so from it. I know how my brother feels and can relate.

    Take care and keep up with the Silver Linings. They definitely help.
    166 days ago
    I hate anxiety, even just hearing the word, triggers it. But, I've come so far along it'll leave in a moment.

    When your pain level is up does your anxiety go up? Mine does!! But thankfully like you I have many tools to help get it back down and fast.

    When the News is over,,,well just the first 7-8 mins, rather not hear any national, I'm going to take a longgggggg HOT bath!! My tub is weird in that the drain for overflow is an odd shape and to low!!! Causing 4" of wasted water space cause it drains it!! So I bought a cover for it!! I'm adding in lavender Epsom salt!! Bringing in a book I'm reading and maybe a hot chocolate!!

    Hoping your anxiety has gone down.
    169 days ago
    Hope your anxiety decreases. I am so sorry you have it. emoticon
    169 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    I truly understand anxiety that you can't put a finger on. I get panic attacks in my sleep and can't settle back down. I'm sorry to say I use medication to treat this when it gets that bad. I don't do it very often, but when the panic attack starts, I just can't take it anymore. I do get panic attacks when I use my inhaler, so I pick to breathe or have a feeling of calmness. It's a vicious cycle. I take the calmness as much as I can, until I have to use my inhaler for my asthma.

    So I just take it one day at a time. emoticon
    169 days ago
    Sending you all of the empathy in the world for the kind of grief that comes when we have a new limitation. It feels as if the world is getting smaller, or the debilitation is getting bigger. It can be a heartbreaking, lonely grief.

    But I am with you. I see you. I recognize this anxiety as temporary, no matter how overwhelming each wave is. We are more than anxiety. No matter how much of it we move through, it is one of the least interesting things about us. We are made of love. We can do this. You can do this. You are already doing this. Here we go.
    169 days ago
    Oh I feel so terrible for that terrible anxiety you live with. It is crippling and I know it is SO real. I must say I feel anxious a LOT lately and I think it is just the general state of affairs in this crazy upside down world. Its true that the fish rots from the head down and I see a lot of rot spreading throughout our nation...no wonder we are all anxious and restless.

    I am happy you have your Cooper boy to help you through these anxious periods. And I'm very happy that you can still see your blessings and be grateful for them. emoticon
    169 days ago
    I am so sorry for your intense anxiety. I hope you can, over time, ditch that anxiety! BUT I am so proud of you that you can still see a silver lining despite all. That's commendable!
    169 days ago
    In a time of turmoil, glad your fur baby helps you. emoticon
    169 days ago
  • MBPP50
    I understand completely and I am glad you have people, and a fur baby, in your life who understand and support you. I hope your anxiety lessens as the day goes on. emoticon
    170 days ago
    Oh Chandra I am so sorry ..Hopefully you will soon feel better..
    170 days ago
    I think you should see your doctor. My oldest son was frozen with constant anxiety, his life has changed completely with Paxil. He can now hold a job. I don't really understand anxiety, and I don't really like the idea of medication for something that seems unreal to me, but Paxil gave me my son back.
    170 days ago
  • BONNIE1552
    I so understand. I have driving anxiety and basically quit driving very far over the last decades. Then my husband died a year ago. Needless to say, I'm having to face my fears and become a driver again. It's not easy, but I'm doing it. SparkPeople inspirational quotes have really helped. Good luck!
    170 days ago
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