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Thursday, August 30, 2018

The last conversation I had regarding DBT was the various methods of distraction and self soothing that can be used to mitigate emotional urgency in a crisis (they call it “arousal”, but I have read too many trashy romance novels, and my mind immediately goes in the gutter, so I avoid the word, or I start snickering like a middle schooler...). A few points stuck out from the discussion for me. 1. Language is important, someone used the term “happiness”, when really they meant “joy”... and we agreed that the term happy is a rather insipid word, when there are so many more active, and descriptive words in the English language to choose from! Happiness is actually an almost unachievable goal... if you expect to reach a state of perpetual happiness... there have to be dark days to appreciate the light after all, and if there are no shadows? Do you even notice the light? Hmmm... a little too philosophical? 2. Denial (or building an emotional wall between you and the crisis situation) is a perfectly acceptable coping mechanism... in the short term. I already practice this on occasion. I even call it that- practicing denial - and find it helpful to put a little space and time between me and the event or emotions before tackling them, or trying to come to some resolution of some kind. 3. Selfishness is also perfectly acceptable, and even required! (Though, if that word is a stumbling block the term self care is actually more accurate, and has fewer negative connotations.). It’s like on an airplane... in the case of an emergency you are supposed to put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others. If I am unhealthy and living with unhealthy habits that are slowly (or not so slowly) killing me, then who will take care of my loved ones for me? (I had a wee bit of trouble with this one, until someone pointed out that Cooper was one of my “loved ones” and my choices directly affect his well being.). Being conscious and diligent about self care does not mean I love others less! It does mean that I am willing to invest time, effort, and thought into improving my life, for myself, because dagnabbit, I AM important too! I find there’s such an expectation of self sacrifice from people my age (men and women), that selfishness and self care become almost a thing of obscenity to some of my contemporaries. I don’t quite get that mindset. I guess I am not a type A personality or something. I do admit to some OCD... lol... Getting healthier, and improving my fitness level (and adopting the Cooper-dog) required a particular level of certainty in anticipation of joyous moments and memories, a little denial of all the horrific things that could go wrong, and a desire for self care, and self soothing. If that makes me selfish (in the pejorative sense of the word)... then so be it! I will embrace it, do a little boogie with it, and take it with me on my next long dog walk! Even if, right now, physically, I am miserable and sick... I still have moments of joy, because I have built those habits... and because sometimes I build that mental wall..: lol... I hope you have a great day! Do something just for yourself today?!
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  • _CYNDY55_
    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    168 days ago
    Yes...indeed self-care is SO necessary. And I like you sometimes just refuse to think about things that will make me upset and unhappy. I have Scarlett O'Hara's point of view....after all tomorrow is another day...i'll worry about it then. emoticon
    168 days ago
    I listened to a great audio book on all of the trips I took in the car today. Very long day, but it is a good story.

    I loved changing the language in my dance class tonight: Instead of asking if there were any questions after teaching four techniques, I asked which questions there were. It totally worked!

    And now, a bath, to wind down.
    173 days ago
    Today at yoga class, we talked about happiness - suggestions included waking up with a smile & saying “I’m happy!” before we get out of bed (as opposed to my usual “ugh, it really time to get up? Bleath!” Think I’ll try it out tomorrow. Another suggestion was to practice laughing for 3minutes - belly laughs, chuckles, giggling, whatever - & better if you can roll around on the floor!
    173 days ago
    Here is hoping you soon feel better.
    173 days ago
  • KATIE5668
    I believe it has been said...If you do not love yourself...you cannot know how to love others.
    We all need to realize that we need to be high on our list of priorities..if not on the top of that list!
    173 days ago
    Hugs and prayers that you feel better, and for sure, it is so important to take care of ourselves!
    173 days ago
  • MBPP50
    emoticon Continuing to send prayers that you feel better soon. emoticon
    173 days ago
    If you don't take care of yourself, you will be of no use to others.
    173 days ago
  • DESIREE672
    I like Ayn Rand’s views on selfishness, but only on the personal level, not when she extends the idea to politics and economics.
    174 days ago
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