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Tuesday, August 28, 2018

“Discomfort” is a mild word. “Pain” does not convey the continual energy-sapping feeling that is draining my reserves. But “misery” works pretty well to describe the mental state this ongoing “discomfort” and “pain” are leaving me in. I try to ignore the physical sensations and symptoms most of the time, as my primary doctor has done all the tests in her protocol for my symptoms... and there is no “good reason” for why my symptoms persist. I am glad she has ruled out the big, nasty and contagious possibilities... but now she’s seemed to decided that that is all she CAN do, so that is all she WILL do... and she has no other help to offer me. Her PA told me “there’s really nothing else we can do...” So, I guess I just get to suffer through until I get in to see the specialist. I have a scheduled appointment at the end of September, but I have decided to call today and see if they have a cancellation list, and whether I can get put on it, with the hope that I could possibly get in sooner. Yesterday I had an abdominal ultrasound (talk about discomfort!). Take an already painful tummy and press on it repeatedly... no fun, and I took the first available appointment which was yesterday afternoon, which meant no food or drink after 8am... I don’t usually obsess over either one, but take away the option and suddenly I think about them constantly... it’s kinda funny actually (as long as it’s only temporary)... only drawback, was that because it was the end of the day the radiologist had already left, so he wasn’t available to read it until today, then he has to write his report and send it to the doctor... who will then contact me... maybe... I guess you can tell that I have mixed emotions about my medical providers at the moment. I am hopeful and skeptical at the same time. I have to have hope and faith in order to keep getting up each day and put one foot in front of the other, and do what needs to be done... but I have a history of misdiagnoses, and medical disinterest to verify my skepticism... (I will have to tell you the back story of my pulmonary embolism sometime! Or my stroke...). Oh well, I will allow the hope and faith lead me for now, but I will act to get the best possible care that I can. It is the best balance that I can achieve at the moment. And it is all the mental energy I can muster up. I know, I know, it all sounds so melodramatic. And maybe it is a bit self-indulgent and melodramatic, as my “friend” has told me I am being (I really need to reconsider listening to her), but honestly after a month of this, I am exhausted and frustrated. (I do have to say that it has given me a new and deeper respect for people who deal with chronic pain though! Sure, my bursitis and arthritis act up, but both can be dealt with, so I know that they have an end point... there is a definite difference between a pain with a definitive end point, and one with no discernible end...). Anyways, I rarely say out loud everything I am writing here... I try to maintain a positive (though I can no longer pull off upbeat) mien in my day to day life. Which may actually minimize the perception of how much pain and discomfort I am continually in, hmmm... maybe I should start going around, frowning and crying continuously.., because that is so me... lol... I don’t say it out loud to my IRL friends and acquaintances, so y’all get the brunt of it... sorry... There are so many blessings in my life. And I can almost always find a silver lining in any situation. And right now y’all are both to me. I really need to stop dwelling on how much I hurt right now, and count my blessings. It does help at least a little. And my silver lining this morning? Well, I am not contagious. That’s a pretty big silver lining! I am going to go make the best of this day that I can... I hope you do the same.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'd be checking into cannabis oils...I've heard you can get a medical prescription for chronic pain and we had a friend that suffered from cancer and used it to relieve his pain.

    You can bet...if I had some money laying around I'd be in stocks for cannabis...I absolutely would!

    I find it saddening that so many medical professionals are clueless. Maybe a teaching hospital? Maybe a D.O. which deals more with the whole body?

    Maybe acupuncture which works with your energy meridians? Look into all of this my friend...you know me...I always say natural remedies are better if you can get them.

    Hugs to you...I HATE the thought of you suffering! emoticon
    176 days ago
  • KATIE5668
    tough times..sad that you are having so many problems and so much pain. Praying for you and for THAT doc that can find some answers and relief for you!

    Hugs (gently given but from the heart)

    177 days ago
    I hope you get some answers soon. Sadly I know I am broken beyond repair. So I can empathize with how you feel.I will say that if one specialist does not know there is always another one !
    177 days ago
    Hope it works out quickly & gets resolved, Chandra.
    177 days ago
    Here in Maine I saw a top neurologist,,and he's very good, but couldn't figure out what is happening. Moved to Denver,,went to a Neurology Hospital and the Dr knew within 10 mins. Not sure how close or far from a large city you may be in your state?

    My body at the time was going numb all over,,,has done so now. Turns out it's because I'm a premie baby and the back of my skull didn't close correctly. It's also why my eyes aren't well nor my hearing. They are classic signs.

    If you can go to one, or a large teaching neurology center, you could find the reason.
    177 days ago
    Having seen a family member go through something similar, going through weeks of suffering while various tests were ordered I can emphasize with your situation. In no way are you being melodramatic. I think you are doing a great job of trying to live each day to the best of your ability while living with pain and the uncertainty of when you will have some answers. You remain in my thoughts and prayers. emoticon

    177 days ago
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    177 days ago
    Oh, beloved! You are allowed to complain about terrible suffering.

    Sending you all of my empathy and compassion for this very hard time right now.

    Wishing you relief, friend.

    177 days ago
    So sorry you have such pain. Hoping it will subside since your appointment is so late.
    177 days ago
    Doctors don't know everything. If the one you have isn't helping you, find one that will. Don't give up. Keep going. You deserve better. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    178 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    I surely do hope they find the right diagnosis for you. It's so frustrating not to be taken seriously by medical doctors, and some people do over exaggerate (and I don't mean you) what is going on with them. Just remember medicine is not exact science and doctors do not know where to turn to next. Wish there was some kind of light that would come on when something is wrong so that they could focus on that.

    Taking care of yourself the best you can is probably all you can do. I'd try and go to a holistic doctor and see what they say. Hopefully you have one in your area. Sometimes just going back to nature is what the body needs.

    Wishing you all the best.
    178 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/28/2018 12:19:04 PM
  • MBPP50
    It’s hard when you are in constant pain not to dwell on it and think about it. I lost “friends” when I got sick years ago because I was unable to be as active as I used to be because of chronic pain and fatigue and the fickleness of my illness- might feel good one day and then like crap the next. So please continue to vent to us here if you don’t have anyone IRL because you need someone. I continue to pray for you every day and I hope that you can get into the specialist soon. emoticon
    178 days ago
    I am so sorry you are in such pain. I do understand with my back issues and knees I get it, you just learn to ignore it and hope for the best, Glad you are using us here as a sounding board, that is what we are here for! hoping and praying you get into the specialist sooner and you find some answers
    178 days ago
    I think you need to zone in on all the specialists. There is something for sure - maybe your nerves are in an uproar. Have they ruled out Fibromyalgia?
    178 days ago
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    178 days ago
    Prayers for getting answers. emoticon
    178 days ago
    HUGS and wishing things were better for you. Just a thought .. . are you near a teaching hospital? They may have the capabilities to help you more.

    But I am so glad that you at least got on the cancellation list w/the specialist.

    Try to hang in there.
    178 days ago
    I pray you get answers.
    178 days ago
    Keep moving forward
    178 days ago
  • LINDA058
    I hope you get answers soon
    178 days ago
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