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Self absorbed and melodramatic...?

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Yep, that’s me these days. I know I am thin skinned right now. Being sick for over 3 weeks will do that to a girl. After a certain point my ability to deflect criticism, absorb sarcasm, and cope with passive aggressive shenanigans starts to diminish. As it is I am feeling dismissed, fragile, frustrated, isolated, and vulnerable. But I have been told that my preoccupation with myself and how miserable I feel is an indication of being self absorbed and selfish. Huh? And I just thought I felt miserable and cranky. Maybe that does mean I am selfish. At this point I am just not certain. But this third infection that they are testing me for is potentially deadly... yep, I said that... it can kill me if not treated correctly or in a timely manner. And I have been complaining about these particular symptoms for about a week, I got the test done today, but they didn’t tell me how long it would take to run the test... the staph test took 4 or 5 days... so I am a little anxious at the moment, wondering what a “timely” manner means, if I even have the infection my doctor thinks I have! Argh!!! I hate the uncertainty... and having the potential for having to face my mortality (but maybe not?) is driving me batty. Is that being melodramatic? I know, I know, I should let it all go and just wait for the results to come back and deal with what actually IS, rather than driving myself bonkers over potentialities... but I am a natural worrier... probably why I have anxiety issues, and control issues... lol... I guess I am spewing all this out on you guys here in spark land because the one person IRL I would talk to about this told me I was being selfish and melodramatic, and a bad friend... for being so self absorbed for the last few weeks. And I need to vent to somebody... to see if other people see what she sees. I am so busy being sick, that maybe I AM being self absorbed and melodramatic and just can’t see it for the misery? It is possible... I am trying to see this from her perspective as well as my own, and maybe we are both accurate in our perceptions, but it hurts, my friends, especially when I feel so fragile... I feel like I have the emotional capacity of a 2 or 3 year old at the moment, but without their boundless joy and hope... (just the temper tantrums and tears, thank you very much...) lol. I better stop writing now and go read something frivolous... total escapism should work... well, that and puppy cuddles, and music... maybe a walking meditation in a bit to get me out of my own head... and out of my own way... hmmm...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • _CYNDY55_
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    28 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    Wow I somehow missed this blog, so I'm late. I just want to add my two cents. You are sick, and naturally not up to par. No one should judge you. You can whine, be cranky and just not feel up to anything. You are entitled, and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Your friend needs to be a "friend" and suck it up. Who ever this is, should be caring about your sickness and not belittling you.

    Ok now that I have that typed, time to get off my soapbox. Makes me shake my head on how some people are.
    28 days ago
  • FLORIDASUN
    Oh my gosh! With friends like THAT! I certainly hope it isn't your BFF...that would be devestating that she could be so uncompassionate. I wish you had a broader base of RLF around you to give you hugs and lots of support right now. You need that as all humans do. I reached out to a completely new group of ladies and only occasionally see the old group we were a part of for some 25+ years. I realized those women are so souless I was truly wasting my time expecting any depth from them. We have to remember people are only capable of what their growth curve in lifetime experience allows them to accumulate. It's the saddest thing when an old soul hooks up with a new inexperienced new soul and expects the same level of life realization.

    I know...seen it many, many times. Do you have any kind of support group in your area? I would think that your doctors would have some information on that type of thing. I'm sure there are Lupus support groups you could contact.

    Or perhaps you could join a creative group. I find that when I am down in the dumps my creative endeavors lift me right up.

    Don't ever discount your feelings my dear one...they are true and there for a reason. You do tend overthink things as I do also but when we don't understand something I think it's our tendency to beat it to death in our minds. Sometimes I just can't get off of things that bug me and seem so unexplicable.

    As always I'm always here for you as so many of your other sparkling friends are. We are blessed to be part of such a compassionate community...yes we are! emoticon
    30 days ago
  • PATRICIAANN46
    A true friend would NEVER say those hurtful words to you. I would drop her very quickly. You don't need someone who puts you down when you are in such a fragile state.

    I am praying for you and hoping that all turns out well and that the test results come back soon. GOOD TEST RESULTS..............

    emoticon
    30 days ago
  • DESERTDREAMERS
    Sending a virtual slap to your “friend”. Hugs & fuzzy cuddles from my pack (Shiloh, the smallest one, is a wiggling kisser - guard your nose, she likes to like it)
    31 days ago
  • DIANEDOESSMILES
    Your friend may not of meant to say it in such a way. If she's feeling powerless to help,,,anger can quickly show. It's hard watching someone we love suffer.

    When we 1st are sick with something new, of course our mind is wrapped around it.

    Hoping you don't the serious, too serious sickness, but if you do, your a strong person.

    Life isn't always fair. Hugs emoticon
    31 days ago
  • LESLIEDUNN
    I would say your friend is the selfish one.

    You have good friends here, even if not IRL.

    I will pray for you tonight, for physical and emotional healing, fast results, peace. God bless.
    31 days ago
  • CHAR46SUE
    Some people just don't understand what living with chronic and critical illnesses are like. Your SparkFriends understand. Take care emoticon
    31 days ago
  • PELESJEWEL
    emoticon Sending Aloha
    31 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Say what!!!!! You are dealing with a potentially lethal problem, feel cruddy, HAVE felt cruddy and you're being selfish and self-absorbed??? Ummmmm . . . nope, don't think so. Glad you vented here! You DESERVE to be able to vent! You have lots going on!

    As for me, I am offering up prayers for you and hope that whatever the infection that you MAY have doesn't turn out to be the case.

    HUGS to you, my dear. Take the best care of yourself that you can. I am glad that you have the Cooper dog to be with you.
    31 days ago
  • BONNIEMARGAY
    Oof, it sounds like you are having such a hard time right now. I am sending you all the compassion you deserve to be treated with. Yes, even if you acted badly somehow. You deserve relief, beloved!
    31 days ago
  • MAMAMAITAI
    What usually helps me get my mind off of stuff, is watching cute animal videos on You Tube. It always lifts my spirits & makes me smile/laugh out loud.

    You are not selfish with all that you've had to deal with. Some people just lack compassion & empathy.

    You are a strong person. Now go watch some cute videos! emoticon
    31 days ago
  • WONDERGALE
    You have some serious concerns here. I think you need to rethink this friendship with the person who said you were self absorbed. If you are, you have a right to be so. Your friends are supposed to support you and help you get you mind off of the illness for awhile, not critized you. I'm praying for a positive outcome. But seriously, rethink this so called friendship. emoticon
    31 days ago
  • KATRINAKAT23
    I can attest to how thoughtful you are. There were a few times when I unexpectedly checked my mail box and received a lovely card and note from you and usually when I needed it the most. I am very grateful for you and wish you a speedy recovery. Hang in there, this too shall pass. emoticon
    31 days ago
  • OKBACK2MEAGAIN
    She really doesn’t sound like a friend. emoticon
    31 days ago
  • HAPPYSOUL91
    I think you are brave and show such determination to go on with your life. You are NOT melodramatic or self absorbed. When sick our thoughts are internal not external. You are strong and strive for health emoticon
    31 days ago
  • WATERMELLEN
    Of course it hurts. So unnecessarily unkind when you are very understandably anxious and simply need compassionate loving respect.

    How do I feel?

    What do I need?

    And do I need help getting what I need?

    Help always here from the great Sparkie community!!
    31 days ago
  • EISSA7
    Please, your first priority is to advocate for your health!! If this makes you a “bad friend” then that person doesn’t understand the truth about your current situation. I truly hope that you get diagnosed and on the correct medications soon!
    31 days ago
  • GARDENCHRIS
    your sick and don't feel good. It is ok to be cranky some, you can vent here anytime my friend! hope you feel better and test results have good outcomes. will keep you in thoughts and prayers
    31 days ago
  • MBPP50
    I remember when I first got sick and I was so anxious and miserable and tired and and in pain ALL the time before I was diagnosed and was put on meds that gave me some relief. It is totally normal to to feel all those things and I lost more than one friend who didn’t or wouldn’t try to understand how I was feeling. I’m sorry that your friend IRL called you selfish but when you’re facing a health crisis, it’s normal t belittle self absorbed, which is NOT the same as selfish.

    I hope you get the test results soon so they can attack this latest infection. Still praying for you. emoticon
    31 days ago
  • NELLJONES
    Just DO each day those things you can do, then don't worry about what other people say. They are allowed to be wrong.
    31 days ago
  • STRONGDAWG
    You are not being melodramatic. Of course, Don't get too worked up. The doctor sent you home and not the hospital. I take that as a good sign. He was probably trying to give you a healthy dose of "don't mess around with this". I don't think he meant for you to get your affairs in order. Keep eating healthy foods. Rest. Cuddle the dog. Can your father or brother spend some time with you?
    31 days ago
  • CHERIRIDDELL
    Excuse me ? Let me at her that so called friend,you are not being selfish or melodramatic.You are sick.Extremely sick.I think you deserve kudos for all you have done.I am rather impressed at how well you have been coping. Please just give me a chance to educate your friend about Lupus. I am not sure what other virus you are facing but it sounds particularly virulent.Being a worrier myself I am willing to give you a pass on worrying .I have found many people lack compassion for chronic illness.You are amazing and deal very well with the hand you have been dealt. I know what it is to wake up every day facing things that will never go away and I admire you. I do not say that lightly , if I did not mean it I would not say it. Please feel free to talk to me whenever you are feeling fragile.In spite of the fact that we face difficulties for different reasons I know enough about what you face to feel compassion for what you endure and I do not feel you are melodramatic or selfish !!!!!!!!!
    31 days ago
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