jokes and books

This is our assignment for the Aspire and Inspire sparkteam:
August 9 is Book Lovers Day - Book Lovers Day encourages you to find a place in the shade to relax with a good book.

Book reading is a great hobby. It's an important one, too. Employers look for it on resumes. Reading is educational, informative, and relaxing. It makes us both smarter, and happier people. Do you like to read? I love to read . I used to read serious book but now with life so difficult I now read romantic fiction. Do you have a favorite author? Debbie Macomber and Sherryl Woods What book or books have you read lately? I read Starry night by Debbie Macomber. . I am now reading ?Thursday at Eight by Debbie Macomber.

jokes
Funny definitions
OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad.
OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
OYSTER: A person who sprinkles their conversation with Yiddish expressions.
PARADOX (par'-u-doks'): Two physicians.
PARK: Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
POLYGON: A dead parrot.
PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.
PRIMATE (pri'-mate'): Removing your husband from in front of the TV.
PRIVATE TUTOR: Someone who doesn't fart in public.
PROFESSOR: Someone who talks in someone else's sleep.
PSYCHOLOGIST: A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

"Rum Dandy" joke
What's that drink you're mixing?" the stranger asked the bartender in the exotic Caribbean bar.
"I call this a rum dandy," said the bartender.
"What's in it?" asked the stranger.
"Sugar, milk and rum," said the barkeep.
"Is it good?" asked the stranger.
"Sure," said the bartender. "The sugar gives you pep, the milk gives you energy."
"And the rum?" asked the stranger.
"Ideas about what to do with all that pep and energy

DIET RULES FOR CHEATERS

• If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
• If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
• When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
• Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
• If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
• Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
• Cookie pieces contain no fat — the process of breaking causes fat leakage.
• Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.
• Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate.
NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
• Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and popsicles.