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Deep Thoughts From the Gym

Sunday, August 12, 2018

*Dear Treadmill, I come to you feeling stressed out and inundated with unhelpful thoughts. You welcome me and allow me to walk (and RUN) all over you. Sometimes, I feel like we climb mountains together. You provide me with safety and stability (unlike those pesky uneven side walks). The more time I spend with you, the more those negative thoughts pour/sweat out of me. You always make me feel happier and saner. I wanted to hug you goodbye today, but I don't think the world is ready for me to do such a thing in public. Just know...I love you!

*Dear Elliptical trainer, I think it's really cool that you ask my weight and then age and I must press "OK" after each before you let me continue. You require self-acceptance before someone begins their journey with you. That's profound and deep. Of course, many times I have lied to you and you still let me continue?!

*Dear Hip Adductor, You are quite popular at our gym and it's hard to get some alone time with you. Even when I have alone time with you, I am stalked by a bunch of other ladies waiting to pounce and get their turn. You are like "The Bachelor," not that I would EVER watch such a cheesy and at times demeaning TV show, but so I've heard. Today, I had to turn to another lady stalking me a little too closely and say, "I need a few more minutes." It may be challenging to get my time with you, but I always benefit from it.

*Thank you for not kicking me out every time I go into rock star lip sync mode while exercising. Sadly, during Zumba, I have started actually singing out loud....and I need to work on that. Nobody should have to subjected to that.

*Why hasn't anyone invented a workout nose-plug so we don't have to smell those deodorant fails or farts that always come from THAT person who choses the machine right next to me when there are plenty to chose from? OK occasionally I am THAT person...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SPICY23
    I have been "That Person" or so I was told by a very nose-sensitive instructor who approached me saying "I know you are philosophically opposed to the use of deodorants, but you are negatively affecting the whole Pilates group and several are talking about leaving because of your BO; what can you do to make it comfortable for everyone?" I checked with everyone else in the group before I went back to the instructor with my response: " I am not opposed to deodorant use. I use it every day after my morning shower. No one else in the group has noticed BO around me, so I am not sure why you brought this to me. I am willing to do whatever you suggest to make it comfortable for everyone, but I need to know what that is because you are the only one with an issue." Needless to say, she asked me to stop coming to the class :(

    FYI rubbing a little lavender oil under your nose is supposed to help.

    Peace and Care
    112 days ago
    I got a big kick out of this blog! So vivid and funny!

    As someone who's not attracted to gyms (because there are other people there), I was intrigued by this little peek into your workout world. May you be richly rewarded for your patience and dedication!

    116 days ago
    Hysterical....because it is true! Thank you for brightening my fay.
    121 days ago
    LOL! Profound thoughts indeed!
    121 days ago
    If you've ever mentioned what you do professionally, I don't remember (and I'm not asking), but you might consider writing a humor column as a sideline. It seems that no matter what is happening in your life, you are usually able to put a humorous spin on it, and somewhere in that post, is a reason to smile. This post caused lots of smiles and a couple of giggles. Thanks.

    Have a great week!
    121 days ago
    Love this. Yes, all those pieces of equipment are so great. Although, I can't believe you have people waiting for you to finish to grab the machine next. Maybe it's the time of day that I go to my gym, but there is always a lot of space between people working out. I'm probably up there at Senior Citizen time because a whole lot of the people are even older than me!

    I'm glad you are enjoying your workouts.
    121 days ago
    OMG! I thought you had me @ the rock star lip synching on the hip adductor, but then you go onto nose plugs for the deodorant fails and farts! AMEN AND AMEN again. Yes. LOLOL

    122 days ago
    122 days ago
    This story makes me even more grateful that I don't use a gym anymore to workout. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    122 days ago
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