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joke and dancing

Monday, July 30, 2018

This is our assignment for the Aspire and Inspire sparkteam:
July 28 is National Dance Day. Do you like to dance? Yes, I love to dance but not good at it Do you like to dance in public or in the privacy of your own home? I like dancing in public. I also dance at home as exercise. Have you ever taken a dance class? Yes, I took ballet when I was really little, I took disco dancing when I was a teen, I remember learning the bump. When
I was a young adult I took square dancing, When I was in my forty I took
line dancing.

Jokes
THE CURE: A man goes to his doctor because he’s been feeling very ill for days. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with a large assortment of pills. He says, “Take the green pill with two big glasses of water when you get up. An hour later, take the white pill with another glass of water. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Mid afternoon, take the orange pill with plenty of water, and repeat that at dinner. Then, just before going to bed, take the red pill with several big glasses of water.”
The man is alarmed at huge volume of medicine he has been given to take, and nervously asks, “What’s the diagnosis? What’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “You’re dehydrated.”

BEDTIME NEGOTIATOR: A father sends his kid to bed. Five minutes later, the boy screams downstairs, “Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?” The dad says, “No. You had your chance.” After a minute the boy screams again, “Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?” The dad says, “No. I told you, you had your chance. If you ask one more time, I’ll come up there and spank you.” After a short silence, the father hears, “Dad! When you come up to spank me, can you bring me a glass or water?”

I Need Water
traveler became lost in an unnamed desert. Realizing his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began feeling faint.
Reduced to crawling, he was on the verge of passing out when he spied a small shack about 500 meters in front of him. Barely conscious, he reached the shack and called out, "Water! Please, I need water!"
An old man appeared in the door of the shack and replied sympathetically, "I am sorry, sir, but I have no water. However, would you like to buy a tie?" With this, he brandished a collection of exquisite silken neckwear.
"You fool," gasped the man. "I'm dying! I need water!"
"Well, sir," replied the old man, "If you really need water, there is another shack about 2 kilometers south of here where you can get some."
Without knowing how, the man summoned sufficient strength to drag his parched body the distance to the second tent. With his last ounce of strength he tugged at the door of the second shack and collapsed.
Another man, looking enough like the old man to be his brother, appeared at the door dressed in a costly tuxedo. Looking down at the crumpled mass at his door, he inquired, "May I help you sir?"
"Water..." came the feeble reply.
"Oh, sir," replied the man, "I'm sorry, but you can't come in here without a tie!"
"Little Girl's Questions"
A little girl and her mother were shopping. The girl asks her mother "How old are you?" Mommy says "Honey, women don't talk about their age, you'll learn later on in life."
The girl then asks, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Mommy says, That's another thing women don't talk about, you'll find out when you are grown up."
The girl still wanting to know about her mother asks, "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?" Mommy says, "Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl is frustrated. She tells her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's drivers license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything."
The little girl and her mother are shopping again. The girl says, "Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 32 years old." Her mommy is very shocked! She asks "Sweetheart how did you do that?"
The girl shrugs and says, "I just know, and I know how much you weigh. You weigh 120 pounds." The mother is flabbergasted. She asks, "Where did you learn that?"
The little girl says, "I just know, that's all, and I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex!"

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '
'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'
The child whispered, ' No .'
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mommy there?' ' Yes '
'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No '
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'
' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman. '
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'
' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.
'Busy doing what?'
' Talking to Daddy and Mummy '
' Why?'
'They are looking for someone!'
' Who?? '
' Me!!!!'

You know your old when by the time the last birthday cake candle is lit the first candle has burnt out.
I'm young at heart. Slightly older in other places.
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