Dear Me and You,
I am sorry to hear of your sadness at the passing of your loved one, recently or years ago, but rest assured they were truly awesome people. Like you, I too like to think more of the end of suffering and the commencement of happy reunions, odd hour phone calls, trips to the doctor, long chats and many, many "remember when's" than I do of loss because you'll always live in my head and in my heart and every act of kindness I make sure to do each day. Yes, it hurts when someone near and dear to us transitions to another state of being other than the one we secretly yearn for, but wait, we're all temporary.
This awareness of bodily aging and the feeling of dismay that you have somehow "lost" God looks like it has all been triggered in you by this event. Maybe I assume too much, but to me, nothing could be more natural and understandable and thankfully, also temporary. You want loving, comforting, and reassurance that all is well.
Me, you are handling it all just fine. Is there any sense in looking back and longing? Being young and old is about being healthy and resilient in mind and spirit, more so than in body, I think. That "conveyor belt" we are all on - we may all arrive at the same destination, but there's no reason to decide you can't enjoy the ride. Pick an age that you like, and stick to it in your mind.
I had a dream in which they came to me full of nothing but love, like always, it was as if nothing internally changed, I'm still full of love for you. And you? No pain, no problems, no inconveniences of getting old. They were all so full of joy It was wonderful! I've heard of people going through something of a cleansing and healing, restorative period after physical death. The dreams are much more than dreams, more real than reality, it's a new truth.
Hmmm, quite a bit of rambling here...but the whole exiting thing is so complex when it comes to be. Well me, I hope something in there was useful for you. I've probably told you that story before, huh? I felt strongly about sharing it here, so I will let it be. Maybe someone out there needed it, and if so, I hope things feel better to you soon. Miss them and love them it's ok.
Our lives are a series of moments. Let them all go. Moments. All gathering towards this one.
All is indeed well...
“The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our separate ways, I to die, and you to live. Which of these two is better only God knows.”