Friday, July 13, 2018
I have been down this road so many times before. I have had a couple of days recently where I have had a desire to comfort myself in the old way (bingeing!) but I have managed to avoid it. I have had a positive week - sticking to my eating plan, walking every morning, keeping my goals and values in the forefront. I experienced a nice loss on my official weigh-in day on Monday. But when I weighed myself the rest of the week the scale has been up a bit - not a lot, just a bit. I think I am looking for that reinforcement so I am weighing every morning. Or am I looking for an excuse?
Today I have the perfect opportunity to binge. I will be driving after work to meet my husband for a company dinner that is over an hour away from our home. Just me, alone in my car. I know that the dinner will be a challenge in and of itself. I am telling myself, why not just take the day "off"? I'll start fresh tomorrow. I'll start fresh on Monday. It's no big deal. But I know that's a lie. That line of thinking has not taken me to good places. It has not been my friend.
I know that to be healthy, I need to be consistent and in it for the long haul. I know that if I give in to that side of myself, it will undermine my efforts, my self-confidence, my trust. I know that it wouldn't be the end of the world. But it's not who I want to be today. Bingeing brings out a furtive, dishonest side of myself that I don't feel proud of. It is a behavior that has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. I know that it is a choice. Today my goal is to make a different choice. I think it's likely that I will always go through periods where I want to fall back into my old, familiar, comfortable patterns, but I get to decide what I do with those feelings. Today my goal is to do the most positive and healthy things that I can for my mind and body. I deserve that.
Here's to the best Friday!