This is the hardest part of my workout. Getting dressed and getting up those stairs. I am hurting, out of breath, and want to quit before I begin, but once I get to the gym on the 3rd floor, then I am ready. Today’s workout wasn’t 100%, I did some weights, and then did 30 minutes on the elliptical while I watched “New Girl” on Netflix. I tried doing the stairmaster and the lateral machine, but only got about 2 mins each, and then I was done. Part of me says “you gave up” – the other part of me says “you showed up”. I’m trying to listen to that second voice, because the first voice is why I stop doing this so many times, because I feel like a failure. I struggle with finding the balance between pushing myself and cutting myself some slack – I feel like either one can be equally destructive if taken too far in the wrong direction – and both can be beneficial if I use them for good.
Perfect example – I was going to get my hair cut AFTER my cardio goal (1000 mins) was reached. I went to Kansas City to visit my sister and aunt and my friend Gena. Well, it so happened Gena needed a haircut – so I got my hair cut, too, then we went and ate Chinese buffet and ice cream. Part of me says “you gave up” and part of me says “you had fun with your friend”. I will say I will probably not eat Chinese buffet for a very long time, I felt sick after I ate it – but the ice cream (Freezing Moo) was a lot of fun, we went with Gena’s mother in law and son and I genuinely had a good time. I quit on my goal early and got my reward ahead of time. I’m trying to find peace with it. I feel better, less frumpy, and my hair feels way lighter. Yes, I skipped on my goal but I’ll finish the goal and then I’ll set another goal with another reward (ie, my toes – they need done bad!).
I hit the gym yesterday with my hubby and then it was yard clean up day. I finally got some junk out of the yard, old wood scrap, two broken screen doors, a metal sheet, out of control tree branches/limbs, etc. I was out there for two hours trimming, scrapping, and mowing. I have a nice sunburn to pay for it but it was a good workout. I feel sore from it, especially my hips, from all the bending over and dragging.
While I was at the gym I set up some training sessions – 3 for $99 – they’re expensive but I’m looking forward to them. I got an e-mail from my trainer this morning, we’re going to train on cables and free weights split into upper body and lower body, and the last day we are going to test my fitness levels with a challenging HIIT circuit. I want to be accountable – I need to be accountable to somebody. I am tired of feeling how I feel, physically, mentally, emotionally – I want to be better – I know I can be better.
Today is a new day. I’ve got some YUMMY “iron chef” Indian food – chicken, shrimp, red lentils, kale, sweet pell peppers, and green cauliflower, with curry seasoning.
I’ve also got spaghetti (not so healthy!) and fruit for snacks. A blessing in disguise - the boss doesn't want us leaving our big lunch packs in the fridge because they take up too much room - so now I have it at my desk with an ice pack - less time in the break room = less temptation. I don’t know what the plan for dinner is yet but I’m going to make a good decision and eat something healthy. I can do this. I will do this.
"My biggest enemy is me and even I can't stop me" - Andy Mineo