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July 5, 2018

Thursday, July 05, 2018

This is the hardest part of my workout. Getting dressed and getting up those stairs. I am hurting, out of breath, and want to quit before I begin, but once I get to the gym on the 3rd floor, then I am ready. Today’s workout wasn’t 100%, I did some weights, and then did 30 minutes on the elliptical while I watched “New Girl” on Netflix. I tried doing the stairmaster and the lateral machine, but only got about 2 mins each, and then I was done. Part of me says “you gave up” – the other part of me says “you showed up”. I’m trying to listen to that second voice, because the first voice is why I stop doing this so many times, because I feel like a failure. I struggle with finding the balance between pushing myself and cutting myself some slack – I feel like either one can be equally destructive if taken too far in the wrong direction – and both can be beneficial if I use them for good.

Perfect example – I was going to get my hair cut AFTER my cardio goal (1000 mins) was reached. I went to Kansas City to visit my sister and aunt and my friend Gena. Well, it so happened Gena needed a haircut – so I got my hair cut, too, then we went and ate Chinese buffet and ice cream. Part of me says “you gave up” and part of me says “you had fun with your friend”. I will say I will probably not eat Chinese buffet for a very long time, I felt sick after I ate it – but the ice cream (Freezing Moo) was a lot of fun, we went with Gena’s mother in law and son and I genuinely had a good time. I quit on my goal early and got my reward ahead of time. I’m trying to find peace with it. I feel better, less frumpy, and my hair feels way lighter. Yes, I skipped on my goal but I’ll finish the goal and then I’ll set another goal with another reward (ie, my toes – they need done bad!).

I hit the gym yesterday with my hubby and then it was yard clean up day. I finally got some junk out of the yard, old wood scrap, two broken screen doors, a metal sheet, out of control tree branches/limbs, etc. I was out there for two hours trimming, scrapping, and mowing. I have a nice sunburn to pay for it but it was a good workout. I feel sore from it, especially my hips, from all the bending over and dragging.

While I was at the gym I set up some training sessions – 3 for $99 – they’re expensive but I’m looking forward to them. I got an e-mail from my trainer this morning, we’re going to train on cables and free weights split into upper body and lower body, and the last day we are going to test my fitness levels with a challenging HIIT circuit. I want to be accountable – I need to be accountable to somebody. I am tired of feeling how I feel, physically, mentally, emotionally – I want to be better – I know I can be better.

Today is a new day. I’ve got some YUMMY “iron chef” Indian food – chicken, shrimp, red lentils, kale, sweet pell peppers, and green cauliflower, with curry seasoning.

I’ve also got spaghetti (not so healthy!) and fruit for snacks. A blessing in disguise - the boss doesn't want us leaving our big lunch packs in the fridge because they take up too much room - so now I have it at my desk with an ice pack - less time in the break room = less temptation. I don’t know what the plan for dinner is yet but I’m going to make a good decision and eat something healthy. I can do this. I will do this.

"My biggest enemy is me and even I can't stop me" - Andy Mineo

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Member Comments About This Blog Post

    I so enjoyed reading about your day yesterday. The haircut is so cute!

    Honor the part of you that says "you showed up" because that One will get you far!
    466 days ago
    Stephanie, I'm glad you're figuring out which of those voices to listen to. You're so ambitious that it must be hard to forgive yourself for not doing every single thing your strict voice assigns, but you do sound happy that you've decided to give yourself a little slack and be spontaneous, too. You did show up at your workout (showing up is HARD!), you did have fun with your friend (and got a very attractive haircut at the same time), and you cleaned up your yard--all that stuff would make me feel good! And healthy, delicious food is the icing on the cake (well, not literally, of course)! So glad you're feeling so positive and enjoying life!
    466 days ago
    Your doing great. Congrats on the new hair cut- it's incentive to show off at the gym! Keep listing to the positive voice- you are worth it!
    467 days ago
    Yikes...those steps to your gym would stop me! But wishing you a July lush with Sfrength & Stamina! GO !
    467 days ago
    Baby steps are best. Change one thing at a time. Reap the benefit of that change, pick another. Keep repeating. Complete overhauls are tiresome and require a lot of effort. Breathe and take it slow. You got this.
    467 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Good grief, where were those stairs? I climbed the pyramids in MExico, streets in San Francisco, and in the mountains of South America, but I those look like they may be in the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State building! THAT is a workout!
    Love your hair!
    467 days ago
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