Chocolate Covered Grahams Weren't the Answer
Saturday, June 23, 2018
June is a good and bad month in my family. Birthdays (12+), death anniversaries (3). This month hit during a span of less than a year when a) I moved across country b) my beloved stepmother died c) a close friend/coworker died and d) I had Juneau put to sleep.
This week was particularly tough. A sister's birthday (I had not seen her since she was about 8 and she died a couple of years ago), my cousin's death day 3 years ago (cancer due to Agent Orange exposure in Vietnam), his mother, my aunt's death anniversary (she died before I was born in a car accident and left a long shadow) and my brother's death eons ago (died saving a boy's life during a Scouting expedition) all this in addition to putting Juneau to sleep.
I handled everything, tears intermittently, put my head down and worked hard, until last night. BF was wiped out and neither of us had the energy to cook. We went to the store and got a prepared roasted chicken, salad and....chocolate covered graham cookies. I felt like having chocolate.
What I was not prepared for was that I inhaled about half of the package! It was almost as if I were watching myself do this. I paid for it. No ingredients in those things are on my food plan and my system is really unhappy! I am having wonderful success on the anti-inflation bone broth diet - when I stick with it. I can sure tell when I've eaten something that doesn't do me any favors. (This is new and kind of exciting.)
So - I plunged back into emotional eating. I have not done that in a very long time! How to I respond? Instead of thinking, "I really screwed up!" and berate myself, I am giving myself credit for recognizing what happened, acknowledging that this is an exception (it does not happen with regularity as it used to).
I put Juneau's picture as my wallpaper on my cell phone. I miss my girl! I am in pain.
This is sort of a downer blog, but...the good nuggets are the changing relationship that I have with food (last night's chocolate dive notwithstanding) and the ability to step back and deal with the consequences of said dive.
AND today is a new day!