2018 - June - Back
Tuesday, June 19, 2018
I'm back! And excited about it. I've been trying to commit to different programs for the last year and a half, but nothing suited my needs. What I really need to do is actually do the work, and just use the tools to assist not think that just because I'm tracking it's going to somehow do the work for me. I keep thinking that if I just log everything, if I just do meal planning, if I just play with the kiddos and get my steps in for the day the weight will come off. Well...it doesn't. I'm not 20 anymore, and I do actually have to put in some (ok, a lot of) hard work to get the weight off. My dad has been diagnosed with diabetes, 2 of my 3 sons have sensory processing issues so we can all benefit from more moving, and more higher quality food. I've been meal planning this whole time I've been gone from SP, so our food is OK, but it's still a lot of carbs, some convenience processed foods, and too much of it in general for me. I haven't been keeping up with portion control. SO. I have work to be done to help my sons, to prevent myself from developing diabetes, to support my parents with their current health issues... to keep myself sane and feeling good. Lately I've been back to feeling sluggish and like my clothes are too tight :) OH, and I've been slacking on taking my Vitamin D. GRRR. I feel entitled to a life without having to remember to take pills. It's ridiculous, really. There will never be a time now where my body will process enough Vitamin D on its own. Those days are gone, my skin/body is not going to do it anymore. SO. I have to take daily supplements and monthly mega doses to keep my body functioning properly. You'd think this would be a priority, but it hasn't been. Because I can't JUST take Vitamin D, I have to take it with calcium, and I can't JUST take calcium, I have to pair it with vitamin-K. and I can't JUST take these things, I must also take it with coconut oil, turmeric and allergy medicine while I'm at it. And then I'm filling up my pill box on Sundays and feeling defeated. Well I'm done with feeling defeated. So what that I'm having to take all this stuff. It's worth it to feel better. I'm worth it, and I should feel entitled to THAT. Entitled to do the WORK that needs to be done (and take the vitamins I need to) in order to feel great. It's crazy to me that I have this mental block when it's not like I'm taking medicine that makes me feel bad! I remember having to take pre-natal vitamins that made me feel sick, and then having to take a whole bunch of different ones until I found one that made me feel LESS SICK than the others! This is not like that!!
I need to stand more, dance more, read more, listen to music more, enjoy the summer fruits and veggies, get the boys outside more! So I'm back, I have a lot of work to do, but I'm starting with small goals. If I start small, and realize that I have an all or nothing attitude that I somehow need to find a way to work with because it's been working against me, then I think I can do this. I'm facing the rest of my life, and I need to get my stuff in order :) No one's going to do it for me!