100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 139,280

Dear Food,

Friday, June 01, 2018

So back to you, Food.
I was so proud of all my accomplishments yesterday that I allowed myself over indulging night eating just as badly as before. So - time to get really honest here and confront you for all the mirrored betrayal YOU reflect.

I wrote yesterday that you are my defective substitute for feeling safe and that is hogwash! I am using you like the cigarette to squash down what I don't understand and can't cope with.
emoticon But because you have the important job of keeping me alive and are a pleasure in living, I simply can't make you out to be a pure villain!

What to do with a half good relationship that has an abusive component? If I had no options I would reject you 100% but that only causes another more acute danger. To say there are parts of you I can't ever have is not something I'm willing to do, like divorce, never to have any further relationship. Sigh.

Just for today, can I make a commitment that I will hold off selecting certain foods just to see if I can do one day avoiding those? I'm not sure, since I have daily pledges that are similar, but by night if not before then, I've broken my vow. Demanding boundaries just hasn't cut it! What I can do is keep blogging to, you as I search for my willingness to come to terms with you, which I do manage to honor.

honor the passion in me to fly right
be patient and compassionate with me
easy does it and take note of any successes

I did walk around Wilde Lake 2 rounds this morning and have plans to bathe the dog and allow the part of me hating you to be acknowledged.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon emoticon
    870 days ago
    Hang on, PT! Every blog is one step closer to where you want to be!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    870 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.