"PLOT TWIST"! *blink blink blink*

I appreciate the support from my last blog. It's been exactly a month since I had deadly thoughts. In that time, the company that acquired mine eliminated my position and laid off the accounting manager and me. I have signed an agreement and can't speak of it any more.

I've had a difficult couple of weeks, and tried to set up benefits such as Unemployment as well as other assistance (most of which I don't qualify due to my income prior to being laid off.) It's a scary time.

I had stopped logging onto Spark. But I'm ready to pick myself up and start adding a routine to my scramble. I've had some amazing revelations in the past couple of weeks, primarily in how isolated I make myself when I am working full time and have a romantic relationship. I pour myself into those endeavors, and give myself very little space to connect with others or meditate on matters important to me.

This is the third time I've been laid off, starting with the big unemployment boom following the housing crash in 2008. "Third time is a charm," right? I'm trying to take everything I have learned from previous experiences and build something even better this time. It's very challenging for me to speak positively about myself and my accomplishments. While I don't have a degree, I have 20 years of work experience that I need to narrate in a compelling story to take the next step up in my career, instead of falling to the bottom rung of the ladder. I am grateful for my lack of disability and other circumstances that are things other people have to overcome as well. (Please keep a good thought for me, as I do for them.)

A couple of current mantras I'm using:

I read a blog where someone recounted a dad blog who advised to shout "plot twist!," every time something goes wrong, and then move on. Although it was painful at first, I will get through this. May it be the start of an amazing new chapter.

I have reframed my internal dialogue to focus on what I AM good at, what I DO have experience doing, and how I CAN improve to get to a goal. Instead of thinking about what in the job descriptions I can't/haven't done, or thinking of things as being impossible, I ask myself what it would take for it TO BE POSSIBLE. How can I convince someone else to give me the job (if it's one that I want and in a path that is helpful for me.)