100 days of OMAD: 65

Something wonderful happened yesterday – The Theatre was giving a show for retarded teenagers and for the first time I had no stress driving there. I don´t think it was because of the audience although we know that it is fun to perform for retarded people as they show a lot of respons and usually loves our kind of thetare as it is a lot of music, color and movement. but I ahve had an inner stress all my life before I shall perform, it is voluntary and I love doing it, but usually have this tension and my dominating thought is "I wish it is over soon" and then I can relax because and fell great.

But this time I enjoyde the experience all the time, I enjoyed my part and had full focus, – which I usually do, but there was no fear or worry of failure. My coworkers said afterwards that my voice had been darker than normally and that I was a bit slower in my acting, not bad because I did have the energy and power but I was relaxed....

I hope that this was not a one-time-wonder, I hope that this is the result of the work I have been doing to take care of my own needs in all aspects. That means standing up for myself also in small maters that I used to neglect because it really didn´t matter.

This work is not without stress. Because when I instead of being a people-pleaser, draw the line and declare what is okay and not okay for me, i feel a lot of discomfort. I feel egoistic and pretentious because this is not my usual way of behaving. I try to take care of the discomfort also and tell myself that it is okay, that poeple do´nt start to hate me ... and although I have had som puzzled and slightly offended reactions, mostly it has been no reactions at all, people simply don´t care that much about small things...

If my theory is right, if my relaxed attitude is the resulta of taking care of myself – wow, wow, wow I will have a wonderful summer! We are book with our show from the middle of june to the end of july, we did this last summer and it was toresome but fun and meaningful. But I had the "normal" stress before every show than and the thought that it is removed as long as I keep on taking care of my needs makes me very happy. And grateful.

Last year this time I fell of the wagon and spent the rest of the year gaining weight. This year I know that every hectogram I can lose will make acting in the sun a lot easier....