JENNY160
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Lists and Plans and Patty Pans

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

I'm a list maker.

If I need to do it, buy it, fix it, sell it, walk it, feed it, or eat it, it's on a list. Paper list, digital list, list written on toilet paper--doesn't matter. I. Love. Lists.

But my list-making fell by the wayside as I slowly sank into ennui and apathy toward everything in my life. I could feel it happening, but I wasn't doing anything to stop it. I wouldn't say I was clinically depressed, but had I had access to a Sylvia Plath collection, I probably would have come pretty darn close. Part of the depression stemmed from living with the depression of someone else. No matter, though. Once I started the decline into the dark mess, it was self-feeding and didn't need an outside source to blame. My house because messy, I stopped wearing cute clothes, stopped wearing makeup...and stopped making lists. I watched a LOT of Netflix, and ate a lot of...well, anything within reach. I gained 30 lbs in about a year and a half. Which made me more depressed. Which caused me to stay inside and watch more TV in the dark.

And then a light came on. I don't know where it came from. I started cleaning the house. I bagged up donations. I prepped my lunches for the upcoming week. I started to care again. And then I started making lists. A grocery list for meal prep. Mental lists of things to accomplish this summer. A list of things that need to be done to the house. I went to work and stared making lists there, too. It was as if all these things had been accumulating and needed to be organized and purged from my brain. And then I started logging my food again. I'm back on the road. I can feel it. I have a private Facebook support group of ladies who are also on this journey, and I was invited to join that group on the same day the lists started pouring out of me, so I took it as a sign.

I went to the doctor, got a physical and blood panel done, and weighed myself. For the first time in my life, my blood panel was not completely clean--my sugar was a wee bit high, 100, which put me right on the cusp of prediabetic.

And now I have a plan. I'm going back to eating a primarily pescatarian diet like I did for 5+1/2 years. I might alter it slightly to also be more Mediterranean. I'd also like to start trying new foods and spices. Like patty pan squash, dragon fruit, and garam masala (not together of course). This could be exciting. I do feel happier today than I have felt in a really long time. In a year I will have another fasting blood panel, and it should be back to normal. My glucose used to be around 75, so I'm shooting for that.

Maybe I'll finally buy a bike. I've been tossing that idea around for years. I need something new to try.

And in 15 minutes, I'm going to do yoga again for the first time in years. Sitting in front of the TV has done a number on my hip flexors and hindered my flexibility in general. And if you've ever wondered why flexibility is really all that important--try wiping your backside without having any. Not fun. That's where I'm at, and it isn't pretty. And on that note, time to get my flex on.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • AAAACK
    Wow, so much of this could have been written by me. I'm excited by your breaking through to the other side.
    867 days ago
  • MAIZIEPAIGE
    I'm so happy that you're back to making lists. There really is something theraputic about those lists.
    868 days ago
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