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jokes and the outdoor

Monday, May 14, 2018

This is our assignment for the Aspire and Inspire sparkteam:
What are ways you spend time outdoors? Describe five things you love to do in the outdoors. First, I am not a real outdoor person but I am sure I can find 5 things.
1. walking
2. drive-in movies
3. visiting the Cleveland zoo
4, swimming
5. sitting around a outdoor fire

Now for your jokes

* If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos.....then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the
situation.
* Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
* Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
* Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
* A person who smiles in the face of adversity.....probably has a scapegoat.
* Plagiarism saves time.
* If at first you don't succeed, try management.
* Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
* TEAMWORK.....means never having to take all the blame yourself.
* Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
* INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

Over Sixties – One-liners

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the weather bureau.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

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