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Giving away my power... reclaiming it?

Thursday, May 10, 2018

I feel like all I have been putting in my blog lately is pouting, whining, and blaming others... sure other people have been doing things that stress me out and directly affect me and how I live my life, and my medical status and living situation have been stressing me, but... how I choose to respond, and how I choose to feel about what is happening is still my decision. A lot of things that happen in my life ARE out of my control, and that kinda sucks, but the control freak side of me forgot that previous fact, that I DO have control of how I respond and feel. It is easy to lose sight of that fact, and just start spinning out of control emotionally and mentally. (Especially so, given my mental health issues!). I cannot compare my life and experience onto someone else’s and project that what works for me and is best for me, will when it comes to dollars or doughnuts work for them. I have read it on this site so many times... we are all an “experiment of one”... which is true not only in regards to losing weight, but our medical status, our mental status, our relationship interactions, etc. I can learn from reading about your experience, but in the end it is my choice, my decision, my reality that determines how well something works for me. I have to be the one to take the steps to make a change or accept that things are the way they are and alter my behavior accordingly. I cannot change someone else. All I can do is avoid the toxic people as best I can, and stick with the people who actually care about me and support me without judgment. (Though finding that last part can be difficult!). I have to let other people own their own crazy. And I have to accept that I am not going to “fix” certain situations. When something gets broken it never looks exactly the same way it did before again whether it’s an object or a relationship. So, I saw the endocrinologist yesterday afternoon, and she noticed on my charts that I had gained a couple pounds, but she said she couldn’t tell from looking at me, which was nice... but she said that I really need to be more diligent about eating every 2-3 hours... just 200 or so calories are necessary, but protein, protein, protein! Some carbs to maintain brain function, but my hypoglycemia is so sensitive that I can crash if I alter my carb intake by 10-15 in a meal and it will initiate a spike/crash cycle. She also said not to bother going to the ER unless my sugar is in the 20s or low 30s... because most ER doctors won’t have heard of reactive hypoglycemia and won’t know how to treat a less than critical attack (where the point is just to get my glucose levels up, so I don’t go into a coma). When I was in the ER Tuesday afternoon I told the doctor that I was a reactive hypoglycemic and she said “reactive to what?” Ummm... food? Carbs specifically! She had no clue what it was, or how to treat it. So I basically just waited until she discharged me, because I was no longer critical and went to my dad’s to spend the night... just in case I rebounded. In that case, I had no control over the ER doctor, but I have control over what I do the next time my sugar crashes, and I do have control over how I choose to feel and respond to the medical professionals involved in my care. I have been stressing out big time about the building manager and my downstairs neighbors (and they do warrant some concern due to health considerations), but I have been giving them far too much power over my emotions and thoughts. You can bet they don’t fret over me! And all this stress is directly and adversely affecting my health. My endocrinologist says that stress can drop my glucose levels like a rock. Ummm... so... yeah. I need to chill. Reclaim my emotions... and my power. And move on. Even if it means moving out.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • _CYNDY55_
    emoticon Feel Better emoticon emoticon Wishes
    193 days ago
    Hope you're doing better today.
    193 days ago
    Own their own crazy! Love it! You are one of the MOST disciplined, thoughtful, introspective, beautiful people I know Chandra! The challenges you have moved through in your life are astounding!

    And yet...look at you! A role model for all of us! When things overwhelm you remember how much I love and admire you my sweet friend!

    Keep that chin tilted up to the sun! If you need to move for your sanity do it. I find that hard to fathom because you are really a model tenant. I'm so sorry you have to deal with the building manager who is OBVIOUSLY a total TART and idiot! The people downstairs are unthoughtful heathens...but your health is of primary importance so all of the other stuff is just the 'noise' of life we all deal with!

    I'm wrapping you in white light and love...your momma is looking down and doing the same my sweet friend...you are gonna be okay. emoticon Just remember you are number ONE and it's up to YOU to be your own best friend right now.
    193 days ago
    You have done such extraordinary work getting yourself all the way unpacked, sorted, shifted, settled, pruned. Believe it or not, every moment of effort you have invested in this will make it easier to pack it up if that turns out to be the next step. Every time I have ever packed up and moved, I feel so overwhelmed about NOT having sorting and pruned and purged all the extraneous stuff. Living well, having things sorted out, it matters in every interaction. No matter how stressful this is, I wish you enough resources to move through this with what you need for health and happiness.
    194 days ago
  • MBPP50
    emoticon I hope you are feeling better today. emoticon
    194 days ago
    As much as I would love to control other people's actions, it cannot be done. We have to let them be who they are & when they upset us, we just need to remember that they are flawed & we are flawed & we need to just move on. This is a lesson I continue to learn every day. It's exhausting! LOL!

    Hope you're feeling better today. Hang in there & keep smiling! emoticon
    194 days ago
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