Depression and anxiety
Friday, May 04, 2018
I have both to start with... add in sleep deprivation and I have a recipe for ranting, griping, whining, fussing, etc... all of it based in fact, but you, my lovely sparklers, get the blogs that I type when I am so tired I am crying for no apparent reason... because you are one of the few safe spaces I have to vent. Everything in my last few blogs is accurate, just maybe a little less hysterical? Sleeping is a medical necessity for me for my physical and mental health, but I can make adult decisions such that I get that sleep (sadly, most of those solutions involve going elsewhere for a night or two). I have confirmation from the police that I can call them if the noise gets out of hand downstairs... anytime of the day.
But when my mind goes to the “dark side” the anxiety takes over, and the depression kicks in.
Oh, yesterday was definitely a day like that! But I still managed to get my beginning of the month running accomplished and got my blood work done. (Which ended up being another stressor actually... because the results were so abnormal on the first sample they ran that they called me to come back to get redrawn, so they could repeat the test... uh oh).
So I weighed in for the 5% challenge... and I lost a bit... that’s a nice change from the slow upward trend I had been seeing on the scale. I don’t put a lot of stock in what the scale says, for me it is more about how I feel, and how my clothes fit... but I have to admit I still get a little kick when the numbers go down... lol...
I got the number of a local support line... so maybe next time I will call them first... get my head turned around straight... and then write my blog... I am still pursuing options, whether that is calling the cops repeatedly... until something HAS to be done... or moving out. I scheduled a call tomorrow morning to start looking for another place. Because my health is more important than my pride.