Musings on my apartment...
Tuesday, May 01, 2018
I live in a Studio apartment on the 3rd floor of a large apartment building that is an old school building that was repurposed and renovated in the 70s (I am pretty sure about the decade)... and every apartment is different. When I first moved into this building 9 years ago I lived on the ground floor (which I referred to as the “dungeon”) in another studio, with about half the square footage of my current apartment, and it had really low ceilings, and a itty bitty galley kitchen... and I have a feeling it had a mold issue, but I never asked or tested it myself... but I smelled it almost constantly. Moving up to the 3rd floor was a relief. High ceilings, big windows, slightly larger kitchen, no mold smell, more space! And I don’t feel like I am stuck in the dungeon. (Not to mention the skunks that congregated outside my windows on the ground floor... windows which had a view of a couple scraggly bushes and the underside of a concrete staircase... ugh.) I have a great view now. Overall the location of the building is ideal with its proximity to various members of my family. (Which is why I put up with toxic management.)
When I moved up to the 3rd floor about 5 years ago it took 3 of us about 2 days of hard work to move everything, scrub out the old apartment, and get the furniture arranged in some sort of useful fashion in the new apartment. Have I mentioned that I own a ton of books! The books and bookshelves were what took the most time to move, lol... not hard to do per se, just time consuming. Up and down in the elevator. Up and down, over and over... when we had things vaguely organized and generally unpacked... I ran out of steam... and just shoved whatever wasn’t yet unpacked in the closets, still in boxes! So, in this past year, I finally cleaned out the closets and emptied all those boxes. (Made a lot of donations to fundraising yard sales for local animal rescue organizations!) And with my angst-driven redecorating of last week, I finally have my apartment set up in a truly attractive, useful, organized, and (with a couple exceptions I have to finish clearing tomorrow) uncluttered manner. Haha, it only took me 5 years to finish unpacking ! It has been slowly evolving in the planning and motivation. (Emphasis on the “slowly”). The final step will be a trip to the used book store on Saturday to take my extensive book donation to drop off... and clear out the entrance hall of my apartment where I currently have all the bags piled in a corner... lol! Oh, and I want to get my brother to come get my rower and take it to my dad’s house... it just takes up too much space in my apartment. (I trip over it, more than I use it.) Now I have plenty of floor space to do yoga, or for the Cooper-dog to race when he gets the “zoomies”! (We all have our priorities).
I am finally feeling settled in my apartment, not just “making do” because it’s too hard to fight past my perfectionism to take action. Which is one reason why the toxic atmosphere perpetuated by management ( that IS management) is so disheartening. I feel physically settled and at home, but mentally... I constantly feel threatened and on edge. Sadly, this used to be “the” apartment building that everyone wanted to get into... now? Not so much. And personally I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone looking for housing... there are other options where management treats the tenants like adults, rather than recalcitrant children (and that’s on a good day). I still have hope that changes can be affected here. But if something doesn’t change, or at least have the indication of changing then I really am going to have to bite the bullet and look seriously at those other options and move... and spend another 5 years unpacking... and rearranging furniture... lol ... at least it’s good exercise on top of my usual workout!
I have a problem with drastic changes. I don’t cope very well with them. But if it is important enough I will brave the unknown and face down my fear of change and take the step away from the familiar. I just have to break it down into achievable goals really. Follow the cornerstones of the Spark program which really can help with more than just diet and exercise. It’s taking the initiative to break it down into small enough bites to cope with that has had me stumped, but I think I have a handle on it now, and can take small, affirming, achievable steps to affect change in my situation and reach my goals. And isn’t that what it’s about?