I can't shut off my brain...
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
Before my parents died, Nov 2011, they had health problems that took them out of their home, to the hospital, into a nursing home and they died five months later.
Nov 2012, as the ambulance drove away from my house, I panicked because the same scenario was repeating itself with me. Except I will skip the death part.
It took all of 2013 to realize, there was no possible way I could physically live in my house. Not only was I grieving the loss of my house, but my dearest Wayne died, April 2013. My house is the only thing left that is totally MINE!
Everything I own is being ripped from my grasp. All my treasures from my ancestors are slipping away. Someone mentioned to "take a picture" to remember them. But my great grandmother's treadle is something I still use. Then the panic begins again because the physical part of me can't make it work.
I'm once again grieving. But to someone else they are just things.
My current need to release my creativity is equally as worrisome as my need to live in solidarity. I hate my surroundings and everything in my life. Even my Warrior spirit is taking a hit.
How much more can I handle?
Yet somewhere deep inside I hear Gran whispering to me "You can do anything you make up your mind to do!"
sometimes it's hard to reach inside to find the strength to go on. But I still have purpose in my life and perhaps it's time to lighten the load.