Middle of the night...
Saturday, April 07, 2018
I am sleeping... just not on a “normal “ schedule. (Who decides what’s normal anyway?). I am sleeping in the early evening until the middle of the night... and then I am up. I could probably do with a couple more hours each night, but that’s not going to happen until my downstairs neighbors move out. I generally make one of two choices when I am up at the dark hour... I can either meditate, or go out and walk (or run, depending on my mood, and the state of the sidewalks). Cooper is sound asleep that time of night, so I am comfortable leaving him for up to 2 hours uncrated. I did my due diligence as far as safety goes... and stopped and asked the village police station what areas or neighborhoods to avoid... and the officer just chuckled, and said be aware and alert, but don’t worry too much. When the patrol officers see me out there at night they wave (or give a chin lift) so I feel pretty safe. In fact I believe the apartment building I live in may have the highest crime rate in the village, despite being a s cured building... which is why I keep my door locked!
Anyway ... if I chose to meditate (which happens more often when the weather is threatening) I do deep breathing, progressive relaxation, and after my mind and body are calm I start making my to-do lists for the day or week, or review my goals. One thing I noticed the other night. Was that I was veering away from SMART goals, which work and build a pattern of success... and more into big picture/amorphous goals... which are actually wishes and are almost pointless. So I spent a morning rewriting my goals. It helped.
Some of my wants/needs right now are out of my control and in the hands of medical professionals. I find that rather frustrating, and I know a number of my spark friends can relate to the frustration... but I can control how I react. How I process information... and to a lesser extent how I cope with my anxiety. I am always looking for the “silver lining “ in pretty much any situation. My brother says I am naive, but I say I am just looking to generate a positive attitude, so I can pass that energy along, rather than being grumpy and cynical. Hmmm... I wonder if I am right or just fooling myself?
Being awake when most of this side of the world is sleeping gives me a good bit of time to read and contemplate, as well as exercise, and plot and plan my days... I have NEVER been anything but a night owl who slept until noon if I could... so this sleep pattern is new and different for me. I kinda like the quiet and isolation. Everyone is always so busy and going to get stuff “done” during the daylight hours. There’s something naturally introspective about the dark hours after midnight... I am finding I am liking it.