Monday, April 02, 2018
I am writing this today as a reminder why I need to eat better and make time for myself. The last few weeks have been an emotional and physical roller coaster, and during times like this, when I should love myself and eat better, I tend to numb eat and fall completely off the wagon. I know I use food for stress and I desperately am working on finding other ways to cope. Despite efforts, I tend to fall into old patterns a lot. This is horrible to admit but if you put something I love in front of me, I will eat it almost always. There is no self-control there and it feels shameful. Part of the reason though, is I actually skip meals due to my schedule and then when something fast is there, well I have a hard time saying no. I have watched my weight creep up forty pounds since starting thyroid meds, here I thought it was going to get better...it didn't, but I still blame my choices.
So why do I need to focus on my plan of action:
1. Biggest and probably only reason needed---I am in desperate need of better health. I want to be around a long time for my kids, two of which are young and special needs. I want to be able to run, jump and play for as long as I can.
2. My self-esteem just sucks when I am overweight. I don't feel attractive, I hide my stomach. I worry that my self-esteem issues will rub off on my young daughter.
3. My kids-for so many reasons, I want them to not have issues with food.
4. A little vain, but I hate plus size clothes. I also dislike that I am constantly having to change clothes because of my weight fluxuations.
5. People look at you different when you are overweight. I realize this is their problem, not mine, but it is still hard to take. The reasons I am overweight are none of their business, nor do I tell them, but I do know despite 6 kids, medical issues and other reasons, I could do so much better. I think it is that knowing that makes it hard when people judge. I don't even think people do it consciously sometimes, but it is there...in the little comments and assumptions.
Those are some of the reasons why I need to get healthy. But I also need to look at some of the reasons that are stopping me:
1. Finances. It is cheaper and faster to pick up foods that are off plan when you have a large family and work. I have started making health freezer meals to combat this, but the cost of food is hard for us at times. Finances are also my (and many) biggest stressor. I need to start figuring out how to plug away at this better to relieve some stress.
2. Sickness. I have a slew of medical issues that I have no control over and will not have control over. I have learned to listen to my body when it needs to slow down and heal. I have also learned to take the supplements I need, especially when anemic. The biggest obstacle is that I can't exercise. I move around as much as possible but I do get really ill. Right now I am in a good spot again and have started a program.
3. Stress- My life is stressful, it is not going to go away. Everyone has their blessings and their burdens. I tend to numb eat when I am at my worst. I also stop caring for myself. I am going to really start working on eating meals at certain times, and being there when I do eat. I want it to be a conscious decision, not a conscious decision to not think about what I am putting in my mouth.
I am going to come back here and read this list regularly for the next few weeks. Hoping it will help.