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Day 1

Monday, March 26, 2018

I have struggled with my weight since I can remember. I thought I was fat my entire life and now I truly have allowed myself to let my weight get out of control. Almost seven years ago I lost 92 pounds over nine months. I was walking in 5k races, I was eating really healthy and I was the happiest I had been in so long. Then I stopped. I stopped everything. I stopped walking, stopped caring, stopped trying. I also gained back more than 150 pounds.

So now I am 20 months into a new job, I've moved from Illinois to Arizona. I have made new friends, lost new friends and am back to being on my own again. I tried dating and that was a mess. I realize that my mental health, my physical health and my weight are all connected, unfortunately. I let my mental health, my internal voice, get the best of me seven years ago. I let outside forces make me doubt myself and my successes. But now I start again.

I saw a new doctor a few weeks ago and she actually listened to me. I mentioned that I had lost 25 pounds, which is a lot but not when I have nearly 200 pounds to lose. But I told her it was hard, because it is. I think about food when I'm not eating, and when I am eating. I can be stuffed from a meal and ten minutes later seriously think about eating again. I cannot imagine that all of my food relationships are healthy or "normal" whatever that means. I am trying though and she offered to help me with more frequent appointments and medication. I am taking her up on the offer.

Earlier this year I threw four thousand dollars at this problem and got zero results. I'm broke, tired and frustrated. I'm tired of being tired and unable to cross my legs or fit in chairs. I want to be able to think of myself as an athlete again and I have a walk coming up in a month. I promised myself that I wouldn't push as hard as I did last year cuz I just ended up with a bunch of blisters and was in serious pain for a week. This year I promise to finish the 4.2 walk but I will be happy that I finish. Period.

Now I am back to tracking my food, trying to follow the doctor's instructions and not lose my mind at the same time. Is it possible? I'll try...:)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You all rock! Thanks for helping me feel less alone.
    847 days ago
    It IS possible. You did it once, and you CAN do it again.
    852 days ago
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    866 days ago
    Welcome back!! I am so sorry I am not in Arizona, I moved to Nebraska, and it is maybe different circumstances, but similar results. If I were there, I would make a point of getting together with you.

    Good luck on your journey, and remember you are so worth it!!
    867 days ago
    I'm glad you are back. Weight gain happens but you are stronger and can lose it again. I have faith in you.
    867 days ago
    Back in 2000 -2008 I had given up. I was convinced I was a failure. I could not face another failure so I did not try to diet. I happened on spark and because it was totally free I decided what the heck! Let me check it out. I did. I said I know nothing and followed the spark coaches advice reading the nutrition and fitness articles. I made small changes and could only walk about 30 feet before I felt like I needed to sit down. I started walking only adding a few steps each day. I have lost 177 lbs and have been in maintenance for 7+ years now. It can be done. With the help of your Dr. you will succeed! We want you to succeed. When you do your 4.2 mi. or so you do what you can! It took me a year before I could walk much more than a mile. Good luck with your healthy lifestyle changes. This is a lifetime journey. Welcome Back UWPalum!!! emoticon
    868 days ago
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    I’m in a similar situation with my physical and mental health. It’s a struggle but I feel so much better since I’ve been working out and watching what I eat. It’s a struggle but it is worth it. Keep positive
    868 days ago
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