jokes and spring
Friday, March 23, 2018
This is our assignment for the Aspire and Inspire sparkteam:
March 20th is also the official first day of spring! What are your three favorite things about this time of year?
1. the more daylight
2. the warmer weather
3. the animals and birds coming out
What are you looking forward to doing differently with your fitness and/or nutrition choices in the spring?
1. walking outside more
2. eating spring fruit and veggie such as strawberries, Asparagus, Fava beans,
3. getting to the pool more with the warmer weather
Joke funny I hope
1. .Diets are for people who are THICK and tired of it.
A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. After applying lipstick in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints [purportedly practicing the perfect pucker].
Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together who wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2 pm.
They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.
The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was to remove the waxy lipstick, and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean. The custodian then demonstrated...
He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.
That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.
The smartest guy in the world
Hot 3 days ago
A Pope, a boy scout, and the smartest guy in the world are on an airplane that is going down (because the pilot had a heart attack).
The boy scout says, "Well, there are only two parachutes aboard. Who is going to use them?” Since I am the smartest guy in the world I feel I need to use a parachute." So, he grabs a bag and jumps out.” Looks like there is only one left, and since I have lived a full life you can use the other parachute." said the Pope.” No. We can both live!" says the boy scout.” How?" asked the Pope.” The smartest guy in the world grabbed my backpack, not the parachute!"
2. THE FAST DIET: If you are thin, don't eat fast. If you are fat, don't eat-- FAST!!!
3. The best way to lose weight is by skipping... skip the desserts... skip the snacks... skip the beer... skip the SKIPPY.
4. THE HAIGHT DIET: TO LOSE WEIGHT JUST EAT THE STUFF YOU HATE. --)
6. DIETING IS THE PENALTY FOR EXCEEDING THE FEED LIMIT.
7.CHOCOLATE. COFFEE. MEN.
SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
8. IF YOU HAVE NO TASTE, A LOT OF FOOD GOES TO WASTE; BUT IF YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TASTE, A LOT OF IT WILL GO TO WAIST.
-- 9. I'M ON A GRAPEFRUIT DIET. I EAT EVERYTHING BUT GRAPEFRUIT.
10. LORD, IF I CAN'T BE SKINNY, PLEASE MAKE ALL MY FRIENDS FAT!
11. THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF PEOPLE FALLING OFF THEIR DIETS IS FOOD.
12. A MOMENT ON THE LIPS, FOREVER ON THE HIPS.
13. DIETING IS MIND OVER PLATTER.
14. LIFE IS UNCERTAIN. EAT DESSERT FIRST.
15. No BODY is perfect.
16.Oh! that this too solid flesh would melt. William Shakespeare 17.Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
18.Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a 90 ft Redwood. Erma Bombeck
19.All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.
20.Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well a
21.Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
22.We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink.
23.The more you eat, the less flavor; the less you eat, the more flavor. 24.Fish, to taste right, must swim three times - in water, in butter, and in wine.
What did the march say to all the madness?… What’s all that bracket.
In what sport is a basket filled but never gets full?… Basketball.
What kind of stories are told by basketball players?…. Tall Tales.
Who was the poet of basketball?… Longfellow.
How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?… Only one. But he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops?… Swiss!!!
Why did the basketball player visit the bank?… His checks were all bouncing.
Why did the basketball player go to jail?… Because he shot the ball!
Why do basketball players love cookies?… Because they can dunk them!
They’re a team in transition… They’re going from bad to worse.
Why can’t you play basketball with pigs?… They hog the ball
Why did the basketball sit on the sideline and sketch pictures of chickens?… He was trying to draw fowls / fouls.