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Running scared with apologies

Thursday, March 22, 2018

On a Tuesday morning in January an accident at my home left me with yet another injury . My left Achilles tendon was severely damaged pulled sprained thankfully not torn though. Being shorthanded at work I could not be off work, home obligations meant no rest there . I had to adept to the injury and i did my best. Week after week passed and the foot was worst not getting any better . They thought a blood clot had set up in it and this changed things for me .

Six weeks after the injury I found myself sitting in the emergency room waiting in the chaos to find out if it in fact had a blood clot . My mind started racing through the journey I have been taking now for the past 7 years and I got scarred . You see every day brings me closer to the 50 year old mark . The prediction that I fight every day is that by the time I am 50 the pain in my feet will be so bad that i wont be able to walk . Sitting there I began to cry because it cant be over I have to be able to walk and run and play with me grandchildren . I thought to myself I have worked to hard to reach this point in my life . For 18 hours that day i freaked out and drove myself crazy about how I was going to live without being able to walk . Sometimes the mind really is your best friend worst enemy . They did the ultra sound and it did not have a blood clot however the Achilles was infected so i was put on antibiotics

Later that night I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself waiting on the doom to wrap me up and suck me in . Yes I have those moments I just dont usually let people see them because well honestly when strong is all you go that is what you are all the time and I know how strong and weak I am . I closed my eyes and let the dark encase me . I found that quiet place in neverland and just listened to my soul and when I woke up I knew what had to be done . I was tired of running scared with this injury, I was far from done but i had to run scared just a little longer . And for this I apologize to my team of the winter challenge because after the challenge ended I stepped away from the computer from all distractions .

Sometimes I have to call on those who are not here to give me strength, visualization is a great tool to use. I do this alone and that is fine but sometimes i have to have someone hold your hand and tell you can do it or someone to kick your a$$ into gear and this time i had to did deep and fight through severe pain to rehab the leg so I called someone to Neverland that could do both and would gladly do it . My dad the strongest man I have ever known. He was always compassionate but firm, strict but flexible . I needed him to help me make it back and I needed him to help me past this unrelenting fear i had .

So every morning the clock goes off and it is time to hit the gym . And as i walk out my door to my car deep in my soul my dad would say good morning now lets get to it . My workouts became 3 part : 1 part rehab exercises for the leg , 1 part weight training and then followed up with cardio . Restricted to using the eliptical machine which i hate dearly cardio was a challenge , The mantra became " this is what i have this what i do " . slowly i was coming back from this extreme injury and every day my dad woke me walked me and pushed me from deep in my soul . When I felt like the pain was to much He was there to say it isnt that you can do this it is that you will do this , you are only scared work past the fear . I know a lot of people dont believe that you can visualize like this and that is alright you do what works for you .

This morning is the first time I have logged on to my laptop in over a month now. and Today I am stronger and better than was even before the last challenge . I am tired because life is non stop for me but it is so good to be back in what is my personal form . I appreciate spark people and all that they add to my life and i never take my time here for granted however sometimes it is about stepping a way from the laptop and finding your fight again .

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DEBBIE3965
    Well, this actually brought tears to my eyes. I can relate in several areas. I tend to keep my hurts and injuries close to myself. To me you are still a young pup - I hit 64 last month. Know that you are never alone. complain to us or you can talk with me. Hope your day goes well and I will send strength your way. Bless you! emoticon
    924 days ago
    942 days ago
    Hi Darlene, I came over here to see how you've been doing and saw this blog. Ouch! But you will keep working hard, and your feet will thank you. I truly appreciate your bravery in sharing your story. You are such an inspiration in how you fight your way back using all these tools like visualization, I strongly believe it helps the whole community when you share your struggle. Your challenges are tough, and you are so resilient, you always get back up again. I respect you and appreciate you. And I'm glad to read that your work has paid off and you're feeling stronger!
    978 days ago
    Take care of yourself!
    980 days ago
    Please take care of yourself. Good to hear you are healing and remember to stop and take some deep breaths every once in awhile and feel the calm envelop you. Sending you tons of good healing energy. emoticon
    980 days ago
    Continue to get stronger
    980 days ago
    Fall down seven times, get up eight. Life is full of challenges and we must cope with them. I used to think fifty was old but now, twenty-one years later, fifty seems like youth! Enjoy every day and relish in it. Old age is a benefit denied to many!

    Keep on keeping on!

    Make today the greatest day of your life,
    emoticon Until tomorrow!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    “Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul.”
    – Wayne Dyer
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    980 days ago
  • COOP9002
    Blessings on your journey. Sounds like you've had some setbacks in the past, but I love your attitude about moving forward.
    980 days ago
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