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What I am... and what I am not

Thursday, March 22, 2018

I started this journey in the Spring of 2011 weighing over 300 pounds. It took almost exactly 2 years consistent, dedicated effort but I made I made it to my goal weight of 160 (approximately -50% of my starting weight)... so in that respect I consider myself a “success story” but staying at (or near) my goal weight has not been simple or easy. I am not one of those people who can eat intuitively and maintain a healthy weight... I tried that at one point, and regained 45 pounds that I had to take back off again (and it doesn’t get any easier)... I am someone who needs to weigh, measure, and track everything. And when I start to slack off on those things I can see the results on the scale in fairly short order. In the past two years I have been diagnosed with both Reactive Hypoglycemia and Lupus... as well as learning to cope with the sudden and unexpected death of my mother... and I have to admit my weight has been fluctuating. I will think I have a good handle on things... and then... I don’t. But even with the upset (and occasional emotional eating) I am nowhere near the weight or size I used to be. So, yes, I still consider myself a “success” on this journey. What I am not is “finished”... or ready to go it alone. The simple accountability of entering what I put into my mouth into the nutrition tracker here on SparkPeople makes me think twice (well, most of the time)... and often makes me decide on the healthier of two options. No one is judging me, or even giving me advice most of the time, but just seeing the numbers and totals can make me rethink a food decision... every day, every meal, every snack is an opportunity to make a healthier decision. Sometimes my inner “wild child” rebels and I still choose the unhealthy option, but the wonderful thing is this a journey, not a final exam... I get another chance, and another, and another... as long as I am alive I get more chances to make a different choice. So, what I am is human... imperfect, struggling, yet perfect in my own imperfections... what I am not is “giving up”!
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