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BDS- Day 18---Change Your Definition of Full

Sunday, March 18, 2018

I have definitely embraced this concept and it has evolved 'nicely' over a period of time. There was a time (about 12-14 years ago) when it was 'nothing' for me to be able to eat 3 dinner plates' full 'mountain high' food at an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant. I would go home and also take an 2-3 hour nap. Carb overload.

I began dieting on June 5 (my husband's birthday) 2010. I had joined the Biggest Loser website and my calorie range was around 2100 calories. I honestly had a hard time sticking to that but I did lose weight quickly and I lost 25 lbs. by my birthday on July 19th. However, I only knew how to be on a diet or not and when I decided to celebrate my birthday I reintroduced some of the former foods that I used to eat and before I knew it I couldn't stop eating and I regained that weight within a few months. I was so demoralized that I quit and then rejoined the site the following January. By that time I had met quite a few faithful friends (whom I still interact to this day) and we had already discovered to have team challenges within the team and that became a new model for me to aspire to.

As I have mentioned in another blog entry I tried to overcompensate by exercising several hours a day to bring my calories down. Surprisingly, it didn't seem as effective as I thought it would be. To this day, I am not 'impressed' with working out until I am exhausted because all it does is make me exhausted. LOL. I just have not seen it translate into a cause and effect. However, one thing that I swear by is muscle building exercises. I have been doing these on and off for over thirty five years and muscle will burn more calories 'doing nothing' than all the hours spent on the treadmill. A muscular body just simply is so much more efficient on its own than any added on cardio. My opinion based on my experience.

I also found that exercising 'too much' [ cardio] created a monster appetite. Oops, not exactly what you want if you are trying to lose some extra weight. So, needless to say, I struggled for a long time finding out how to lose weight and I knew that I was eating too much food, even if I was eating healthier than I had been. As I mentioned in another one of my blog entries, I tried different 'dieting tricks' and none of them worked long enough to see much more than the typical 10 lbs. lost, regained, lost and regained again. I did that for a really long time.

This is when I think many obese people choose to undergo weight loss surgery and it makes perfect sense to me. It gets really discouraging to try and try again and not see any really substantial results. So, I have taken sabbaticals from dieting where I decided instead to work on the 'why' behind my overeating. I think it was during one of these periods that I went through the Beck Diet Solution book with another group on another weight loss site. I will say that I was the worst 'student' of these principles including an incident where I defiantly ate a whole cherry pie and started quite a lively discussion within our team. There is something that I have heard recently that I just love, " She is no more righteous than when she is wrong." [spoken by the Dowager Grandmother on Downton Abbey].LOL Oh boy that should be on my grave. I have been so wrong and thought that I was so right so many times in my life and this was a topper. Let's put this way: you can basically justify anything and any behavior but it doesn't mean it will hold up to scrutiny.

Good for me though that I just kept trying to find how to lose weight and not be hungry all the time. Good luck, right? LOL. Well, I knew that somehow I would have to change my definition of full if I were ever going to successfully lose the extra weight that I have on my body.

My body and health issues beat me to it. I started to develop digestive issues worse than I had had in thirty years of dealing with a mild case of IBS. It only took about a month before I found that I couldn't eat more than what is considered a small portion and certainly within my calorie range here on SP. I will say I am somewhat relieved by this and I feel a little sheepish that I ended up losing weight much easier and more consistently as a result. Through observation of what triggers the acute cramping and subsequent pain has made me realize that anything more than 450 calories per meal and I end up wishing I hadn't eaten whatever it was I ate.

So, my Higher Power did for me what I could not do for myself. It meant that I had to go through a baptism by fire in terms of extreme discomfort and pain but I now have completely changed my definition of full. Again, for anyone like myself who spent decades binging and gorging on excess food this probably was the only way it was going to happen. Otherwise, I would have happily gone along and kept eating a medium pizza on my own and not been any wiser for the experience.

Now, that is the silver lining in what has turned out to be one of the worse health years of my life. I now realize that if this hadn't happened I for one would have been a good candidate for weight loss surgery simply because I could not tolerate the emptiness of an overstretched and bloated stomach.

I just want to take advantage of this development in my eating history and make the most of it. It was a gift and it didn't take me long to see it for what it was. It ushered in a new way of relating to food and I think once I get the nuances down I will be a much happier and healthier person as a result.

For those who can do this on their own, I applaud your ability to do so. Mine had to come about in another way. I guess as long as the end result is the same then what does it matter? Now, my job is to correct poor food choices so this reduced stomach size can remain as so. That is my next and current challenge.

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    Good for you for not giving up !!
    1122 days ago
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