jokes and ST, Patrick Day
Saturday, March 17, 2018
This is our assignment for the Aspire and Inspire sparkteam:
St Patrick’s Day is a global celebration of Irish culture on March 17th. Are you Irish and do you do anything to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day? What other countries are part of your heritage?
I am not Irish but Slovak and German. But I am Catholic so we usually celebrate St. Patrick day, But this year I work and boy was it busy. The
best St. Patrick was the one I celebrate with my best friend. It started with mass. Then we went to breakfast. Then we went to the parade. Cleveland
have one of the biggest St. Patrick day parade in the U.S. Then we went home and slept . lol Tonight I will celebrate with Irish coffee.
Walking on Water
priest, an evangelist, and a minister were in a row boat in the middle of a pond fishing. None of them had caught anything all morning.
Then the evangelist stands up and says he needs to go to the bathroom so he climbs out of the boat and walks on the water to shore. He comes back ten minutes later the same way.
Then the minister decides he needs to go to the bathroom, too, so he climbs out of the boat and walks on the water to shore. He, too, comes back the same way ten minutes later.
The priest looks at both of them and decides that his faith is just as strong as his fishing buddies and that he can walk on water, too. He stands up and excuses himself. As he steps out, he makes a big splash and went down into the water.
The evangelist looks at the minister and says,"I suppose we should have told him where the rocks were."
The Pious Woman
flood was on its way, forcing everyone to evacuate. The police rowed up to the most pious woman in town and said, "Ma'am, you have to leave this house! People are dying out here!"
The woman replied, "No, I'm not leaving. God has always helped me before, and He will do it again."
So as the water started to rise, she went to the second story of her house. Another boat came by, and the captain yelled, "Ma'am, you have to get on this boat or you're going to drown!"
The woman replied again, "No, God helped me before, and He will do it again."
The water rose even higher. This time she went to the top of the roof, where a helicopter came and hovered overhead. The pilot called into his loudspeaker, "Please climb aboard, ma'am. You are going to drown!"
The women sniffed and again replied, "God is going to save me!"
But the water rose higher, and soon she drowned to death. She went to Heaven, and there she asked God, "Why didn't you save me, O Lord?"
And God replied, "I did help--I sent you two boats and a helicopter!"
WHAT WOULD BE ST. PADDY DAY WWITHOUT A IRISH JOKES
An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day, 'he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'
The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."