Willingness and Surrender
Tuesday, March 06, 2018
I tend to be a very stubborn person, and it takes a lot of willingness for me to make changes. I mean, come on, it took me years to be willing to change my behavior and work on being healthy more than being unhealthy! It also applies to other areas of my life. It took me over 18 yrs to be willing to let go of the rage and anger that were my primary go-to emotions, to surrender and be willing to change.
So now I've come to realize exactly how impatient I've become recently. Traffic has always irritated me to some degree, but it has become apparent to me in the last few weeks that it is even worse than before and something that I need to change.... but how do I learn to be patient??
Had a talk again with my sponsor this weekend, and of course it comes back to surrender. Which is not really a big deal, except after all that happened in the loss my oldest daughter, my faith and trust in my Higher Power is not what it used to be. I can understand logically all day long that this is life on life's terms, it was a random event, nothing could have prevented it..... and yet, I find I can still be really angry at times at my HP and at the universe because I MISS MY KID.
How is patience tied into this? She was in a car accident = now I really do not trust other drivers or the world to be sane, attentive, good drivers. That is where a big part of this is coming from. Because I DO NOT trust other drivers to pay attention and not hurt my youngest kid, and I am not very trusting with my HP about it either.
I get it. I've got to surrender. But this is something I have to work on, and it isn't going to be an easy surrender. Had a long talk with HP this morning in my walk. That for me is the first step. I know I will eventually get there, even if I am not there today.
Just needed to share that. Thanks for listening. Peace be with all of you!