My other life
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
I have been doing a lot of reflecting this week about who I was, who I am and who I am becoming. If you would have told me three years ago that I would be back in NY, starting a bath products business, practicing law again and traveling the world, I would have asked you what planet were you from...and yet here I am. My sons Autism changed everything for us. We both quit our jobs and moved halfway across the country with three kids in tote so that he could get the help he needs. They have amazing programs and schools in my hometown. My fourth oldest is getting ready to graduate high school and despite moving before his eleventh grade year, he has been incredible. The highlight of this past year was taking the kids to Disney World. So many good things, some extremely hard things, but life is moving full throttle.
Last week something happened that I am not going to share, that same week I found out a close family member has cancer, she is close to my age. My heart was broken from both situations and I did not feel I could move forward. I surprised myself, after crying, there was calm. I realized that I can't control anyone but myself and I have to stop putting myself on the back burner. As for my family member, she is the most positive person I know and gives so much, it sucks, but now we focus on the time she has left (it's terminal). I also realized that I need to let myself be my authentic self and stop caring what others think. I am even afraid to jog outside because people will see me, I know ridiculous. It is freeing when you start looking around and finding things you are excited to do. It is freeing to like who you are and not need approval. It is humbling to realize you have a bit to go to be who you truly want to be and yet you have hope and willingness to fully get there. Today I give myself permission to be the quirky and loving woman I am, and to explore life to it's fullest on my terms.