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And into a depression spiral I go......

Monday, February 26, 2018

We had to give Malka up a few weeks ago and we are currently waiting for another puppy. There are currently only 2 litters in the kennel. One set is 11 puppies that should go home next week. We clearly aren't on that list because we would have been told by now. The other set is 5 pups, 4 yellow and 1 black that are about 3 weeks old and won't go home for 5 more weeks and we don't know what area groups any of the puppies are going to. At this point, we are the only family waiting for a pup in one of our groups and they (guide dogs of america) are giving pups in clusters. There is another family going through the process for their first dog, so we will wait and see.

My finger still hurts. I got a bone chip a week ago Thursday and I am tired of it being in a splint. And Jacob called last Wednesday and he apparently didn't turn in a big assignment due last week and now thinks he can only fail the class so he is looking at dropping the class. That will mean he has 1, yes ONE class. He currently doesn't have financial aid because he only took 3 classes last quarter and only passed 2 and the 3rd he didn't pass but he took it pass/no pass. His solution to all this, take 21 units next quarter. He isn't passing now, taking 21 units isn't going to help him. And we can't afford the school without financial aid. We paid out of our pocket for tuition this quarter only to have Jacob not get classes or drop classes. We can't afford it and we spent $4,000 for what will be one 5 unit class. We also still have our rat problems. We caught 4 rats weeks ago and then nothing. But we can see the damage. We need an exterminator but can't afford one. I am scared to go downstairs at night, when I can't sleep because I don't want to see them. So I can't sew when I can't sleep.

So my panic attack for Monday started last night, so I couldn't sleep. I was up until 4 am. We told Jacob's psychologist what was going on and had him call Jacob at school and then he spoke with us. He agrees that 21 units next quarter is NUTS! He feels Jacob needs to take next quarter off and truthfully take a year off and go to a community college and get his head clearer. Jacob's self esteem is in the toilet and working and taking a few classes at time is better then to continue to fail classes at UC San Diego.

We did get rat traps on Friday. Doug didn't bother to set them up until last night. But the box clearly states that all other food sources need to be eliminated and the rats have eaten the plastic bins to the dog food. So we will go out and get metal trashcans to make it so the rats can't get at that food.

I did get up and sew last night and got some quilting done. I am almost done with this quilt top. Doug and I will go to the quilt store after school today to buy backing fabric and and hopefully I will finish putting the last set of borders on tonight and he will quilt it tomorrow.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    A very late comment Tova, but I have only just found your page when I was reading back thru posts on our depression group’s page...
    Reading about yr problems w/your son reminds me of mine - he convinced me that he “HAD” to go to Texas Tech, he wouldn’t even apply anywhere else & after all he’d been through (years of nasty divorce & custody battles) I sent him even though I KNEW he would party his 1st yr away...
    Now we’re approaching end of Year 2, he’s accomplished nothing, taking CC classes on line & hung up in relationship drama w/his 1st serious GF (he didn’t really get to have a normal teenage socialization, he’s several yrs behind in his emotional development even though he has a BRILLIANT mind).
    Anyway, I’ll be packing him up to being him home, probably cutting the umbilical cord of financial support which gives me great anxiety, but can’t keep enabling his self-destructive, immature behavior.
    When Z’s not getting his way, he is also rude & disrespectful, but can flip a switch to pour on the charm “just like his father”. Ugh!!!
    I wish both of us strength & peace.
    699 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Years ago I had one mouse in my house,, she gnawed on my tupperware cereal keeper., That was the last straw,,out came a trap and two minutes later she was done. I know you will catch the rats. BTW, I still ahve that cereal keeper.
    756 days ago
    759 days ago
    Wow hugs prayers and definitely see why depression is thrust upon you
    My biggest problem our my kids most late 40s early 50s and go to a therapist to try and sort the mess out
    759 days ago
    So sorry that you are going through all of this.

    764 days ago
  • LINDA!
    765 days ago
    765 days ago
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