It is so hard to say Good-Bye
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
Sister "M" has been living with us for 16 months...she will be rolling out in a big U-Haul in one week, Feb 27th. She is going to California and it is likely that I will not see her again.
"Separations" began early in my life and have been frequent and painful.
Occasional up to age 8 and then I started boarding school. Not seeing my parents, younger siblings for 2 or 3 months at a time. 4 girls to a room with one houseparent at the end of the hall in charge of about 35 girls. I was only noticed when I was in trouble....no positive touches or hugs, no caring individual words...
There were lots of rules, bells, whistles in order to keep 250 students from 1st through 8th grade organized. Again, all very impersonal.
We could tell when separation was approaching as Mommy would start counting, organizing our clothes, sewing "name tags", I learned to try to dull the Good-bye pain by withdrawing into myself during the last week.
How many times did this happen? 7 or 8 per school year includes the times parents would visit us at school.
Then we were in Wheaton Illinois when I was a Sr in High School. And I soon realized my parents were packing and planning to return to Nigeria. But I would be staying at college in Illinois. So the whole family went to Nigeria and I stayed in Illinois. I still hate corn fields.
Do I handle separation well now?? no...I am withdrawing into myself, playing solitaire, sleeping more. Not getting on Facebook or Spark People. Hiding my pain of "M" leaving... which includes emotional acknowledgement of all the past separations of my life....
So, writing this blog is step one in defiance of 'normal' separation sequence. Will have to consider other steps I can take.