Jokes and pets
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
This is my blog for the Aspire and Inspire sparkteam:. February 20th is Love You Pet Day - Love Your Pet Day is day to pamper your pet. People just love their pets, and today is an easy excuse to spend time with them, and to give them special treats. Whether its a dog, a cat, a fish, a pet snake, or your pet rock......give them lots of love and attention today. If you have a pet, do you intend to do something special for them, spoil them even more, etc. on this day? Tell about them and what they mean/meant to you.
I have two dog to tell about. Shotzy is my sis dog. But she my walking
partner, Shotzy is a Lhasa Apso and mixed with something else that we don't know. Lhasa Apso are happy, mischievous, and playful dog; she's also regal, independent, and fierce. That is true of my shotzy. Shotzy make my walks
fun. We gave shotzy a special walk on pet day.
The second dog I want to tell you about is my lacey g who no longer with
us. She was a mutt but she have German shepherd, border collie, and
terrier in her. We used say she was part goat. She ate everything even a watch once. Another time she all the money we made from a garage sale.
Lacey g was my fur baby and I miss her,
in the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Ranch Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs
THE customer ahead of me at the supermarket checkout counter had written a check for her purchases and was waiting for the clerk to package them. Instead, citing "company policy," he asked her for identification. The shopper looked astounded, then finally managed to say, "But David, I'm your mother!"
FOR years my mother has taken a good deal of teasing about her supply of groceries. Even though the store is just across the street, she buys by the case lot, and her cupboard - as well stocked as any store - always looks as though she lives far back in the mountains. Just how well stocked she is, was confirmed one blizzardy week this winter when the grocer trudged over from the general store to borrow six cans of pork and beans from her.
IT WAS closing time, and there were few smiles among the customers waiting at the supermarket check-out. The customer at the cash wanted to pay for her groceries with her pay cheque. The cashier looked pleadingly at us and said, "I'll have to go upstairs to the safe to get more money." The grim faces were brightened somewhat when an elderly man next to me responded with, "That's okay, dear, most of my purchases are for breakfast anyway."