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Wednesday, February 07, 2018

How do you see yourself? Where ever you are on this journey, do you see yourself as the person you are becoming or the person you were? Or, do you see yourself as others see you?

For the longest while when I started seriously trying to lose weight and I was having success, I wasn't sure of how to view myself, was I the 295lb person or the person in the slightly smaller body, was I the person I hoped to be at goal, or was I the person others saw?

These are all different people in many ways. My 295lb self was not motivated, she complained about her weight and she made small efforts for short periods of time but she didn't consistently put in the work. I decided, I wasn't that person anymore after the first month of consistency. The slightly smaller person was ever changing, she was learning how to control her impulses, she was motivated but she also fragile, anything could derail her so she strived for perfection. I knew I couldn't be that person, I needed to be stronger than she was and I was going to be so I wasn't that person either. I wasn't the person I thought I might be at goal because I needed to get to goal to find that person.

I knew I wasn't the person some others might see. They saw an obese person, they didn't see the person who was gaining fitness, they didn't see the person who was slowly getting smaller, they didn't see all the internal changes.

I am still discovering who I am, I think we all are.
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