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How do you handle regain?

Wednesday, February 07, 2018

Now I know you don't have this issue. Not me either. Of course.
I'm talking about the friend of a distant cousin's neighbor's school chum.

It goes like this:

- Lose weight.
- Gain some back.
- Lose again.
- Gain again. Maybe just a little. Maybe even more.

Okay, okay... you get the idea.

So the issue is being overwhelmed by a soul crushing and demoralizing sense of self betrayal leading to self hatred and the belief that reaching goal, and maintaining a healthy weight is obviously a dreamer's fantasy.

Now this friend of a distant cousin's neighbor's school chum is a really sweet person, who works hard, and helps out elder family, plus works long hours at a sometimes stressful job with a pretty long commute. Most days, this friend of a distant cousin's neighbor's school chum doesn't get enough sleep, and comes home too tired to work out, or prepare healthy meals, but does do some big batch cooking on the weekends, and doesn't park as close as possible to home or at stores, hoping to get a few extra steps in.

This person knows what to do, but at times it's just too difficult. The mojo is wavering.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

What advice would you give to my friend of a distant cousin's neighbor's school chum to help with mood and motivation?

What's the best advice you've ever been given?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It seems like you’ve got so many advice for your friend of distant cousin’s neighbor’s school chum.
    You are such a kind person who seek help of your friend of distant cousin’s neighbor’s school chum.
    I adore you. My love my dear!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1080 days ago
  • DSJB9999
    Not sure what to say in addition to the others here but she MUST try to put herself first. To concentrate on what she is eating, slow it down if she can and eat with awareness! Keeping a food diary is also important to me!

    Good luck to her! Great that she has friends willing to help! She needs to be willing to receive that help though! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1081 days ago
  • no profile photo CD22544916
    I've also done this dance too many times, but each time I do, I think I am getting closer to it being the last time, knowing what works for me!
    - getting a decent night's sleep- crucial for me,as I eat+++ when overtired
    - tracking every morsel I eat, even when it is more than I should have
    - getting back on track quickly
    - planning my meals, and having something on plan ready to eat, if necessary, while preparing dinner
    - sticking to my plan most of the time

    Your friend of a distant cousin's neighbour's school chum needs to know that maintaining a healthy weight is possible, and not just a dreamer's fantasy! She/ he has done it before and can do it again, even better!!
    She/ he needs to find a way to work a plan, that is reasonable, with all the other demands in life!
    Give her/ him a hug! emoticon

    1081 days ago
    You know, the plight of your friend of a distant cousin's neighbor's school chum hit a bit of a nerve with me - so much so that I've been pondering on their dilemma while I've been pottering around cooking this afternoon. Pondering, of course, from my own history and perspective, and not really sure if that would be something useful for the person in question.

    You see, I look at the situation and see a few rather large differences between their perspective and mine.

    The first is that I never considered a specific "weight" to be a reasonable "goal" for myself, since the number on the scale isn't totally under my control. My "goal" was to learn how to live an overall healthier lifestyle, which includes eating mostly nutritious foods in a reasonable amount to sustain a generally healthy weight, incorporating lots of movement in to each day, controlling my reactions to outside stresses (so that they have minimal impact on my sleep and my appetite), and most importantly, only choosing healthy options that I absolutely love (since I will only keep changes that make me happy). I didn't put a time frame on this, since it is a lifelong sort of thing, and I just let my body gradually adapt to the changes and naturally drop to a weight that is comfortable and sustainable and healthy-enough-for-me.

    The second is that I don't consider this a "one approach will work forever" thing, and assign blame (especially not self-blame) when the original approach stops working and some reassessment and changes are in order. While I'm not overly fond of it, the fact is that my body is going through changes as I age, and I need to keep tabs on my eating and activity and modify them as needed --- just like I need to keep tabs on my vision and get my glasses modified as needed. I'm not thrilled that my bifocals are now trifocals, just as I'm not thrilled that the eating habits that maintained well for years now need tweaking, but I don't blame myself or consider myself a "failure" for either one.

    The final one is that when I finally looked at my overall life and realized that I ate too much, of the wrong things, wasn't moving enough, wasn't sleeping enough, and was using far more of my energy on taking care of others than myself --- well, I looked at it as a sign that I obviously was ignorant (as in - untaught) of how to properly look after this part of my life, and that I needed a lot of education. I learned about setting personal boundaries so that my needs would be taken care of first. I learned about how to address some disordered thinking that I had about food, and to really focus on it to enjoy it as nurturing both body and spirit. I learned about nutrition and cooking so that healthier foods were easier and more delicious than not-so-healthy foods. Some of these I learned on my own with research, and some I got help with (behavioural therapy is a wonderful tool, in my opinion, that is sadly underused since we've some some kind of weird societal shame thing going on with wanting expert assistance in learning new ways of thinking / acting).

    The best advice that I ever got was "choose your own priorities, your own path, and your own rules --- and always be open to getting help where you need it". My priority is a generally healthy lifestyle that is about lots and lots of joy. Joy in food (choosing, making, sharing, savouring), joy in activity (in the sheer wonder that my body can still DO), joy in having a loose plan that takes away the stress of having to always react instead of act, and the joy of having lots of room in that plan for adding stuff without it knocking me for a loop.

    Sorry for being so long-winded (can you imagine the plight of the poor editor if I ever tried to be a writer?!), but hopefully there's something in here that your friend of a distant cousin's neighbor's school chum might find useful.
    1081 days ago
    I did that dance back and forth countless times, but in the past 6 years I have been doing a lot better, with an overall downward weight trend.
    For me the keys to success are
    - having a written food plan and sticking to it - the closer to 100% the better
    -eating sitting down, slowly, noticing every bite
    -avoiding sugar, flour and processed foods.

    The first two must be familiar from the Beck Diet Solution book - not a coincidence!
    1081 days ago
  • WHITE-2
    Absolute priority should go to getting more rest and sleep. In other words reducing the burden of work and responsibilities. Learn to say no and put herself FIRST. Maybe ask the help of a good therapist with this.
    1081 days ago
    It's called dedication to one's survival. Being healthy and able to carry on into the golden years (no burdens for family) This chum needs to get on board, don't put it off, make it a lifelong commitment. Don't wait until Monday to start the new lease on life. It's now. Most of us wait until it's almost too late or given a ultimatum with our health problems. Why wait until the diagnosis. I did that, and as soon as I stepped away from the Doctors office, out the door, my new journey with my lifelong commitment began. I know how hard it is to let go of the old habits, due to mostly frustration, stress, and ultimate loneliness (own little pity party here, only hurting myself.) If I had only did that when I was younger, but we don't. Life passes too quickly these days, and of course as you get older it's harder to beef up the metabolism as well.
    So let your "chum" know. Start this minute. Dedication.
    I'm a writer too btw. emoticon
    1081 days ago
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