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Who woulda thunk?

Tuesday, February 06, 2018

It really wasn’t all that long ago that being sedentary was my normal state of being... and yet it seems a very long time ago... in fact sometimes it feels like that was an entirely different person. In ways it was! It was only about 7 years ago that I was morbidly obese, basically home bound, thought exercise was a punishment, and food was designed to soothe my emotional and physical pain... where did that woman go? Because that’s definitely not who or what I am (or think) these days. I am sure you’re all sick of me going on about having influenza, recovering from influenza, etc. but it occurs to me that it clearly illustrates how my mindset has shifted. I don’t know when or even really how it happened, but I thank god (and you guys) that it did. Today, now that I am starting to feel better from the flu, I am chafing under the stricture to take it easy a while longer, because being sedentary is the “punishment” ... I find it frustrating, not relaxing. Walking is how I meditate, self soothe, calm my anxiety and depression. Sitting here doing very little, now that I feel better, is irritating. And food, is fuel... I enjoy it, savor the sensory experience, but (except for a couple of mom’s specialties, which have emotional impact) for the most part food is not about soothing or suppressing emotion anymore. And the result? I tend to hover around my goal weight. I did get a bit off track over the course of this year, but this year was... extraordinarily difficult. And you know what? Even putting back on a few pounds? I didn’t put on all that many, and I caught it, put things back on track. Things aren’t really any easier than they were last year (yet?) , but I am adjusting to the new normal of things. And I am back in range. (Though I do NOT recommend the flu as a weight loss tool! Yuck!). With a recognition of where I used to be, and a grateful heart for where I am, and armed with the resources and tools of SparkPeople I can stay here... and I like it in maintenance a whole lot better than where I started from 7 years ago!
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