A picture worth a thousand words
Monday, January 29, 2018
I didn't need to resort to sending naked pictures to the insurance analyst who denied my need for bariatric surgery. They didn't mean to say that the barriatric surgery wasn't medically necessary, but that I didn't jump through the final hoop. When they say they want you to go through a medically supervised structured program, like Weight Watchers or TOPS, they really mean that. I did the 6 month, hell it's been more like a year alone, creating my own program from the 40 years of experience about what works for me. Apparently, corporate commercialized world knows better, and if I want my surgery, I have to join Weight Watchers and pay 6 months of dues. It's ok, I can go back to Weight Watchers, it will be my 5th time. I don't particularly like participating in groups where the facilitator is a lay person. Coming from work, where people professionally facilitate, and it's one of the social worker skills I excel at, seating through a badly run meeting is akin to torture. and it might seem weird, since I blog without boundaries, but I really don't like sharing the intimate details of the hardest thing I have ever faced to a room of strangers. OA did not go well. I was outed as a victim, well before #MeToo was fashionable. Addiction is icky and messy and personal and I really don't like group therapy unless it's done well. This vendor I had the pleasure of working next to this weekend told me that she is doing weight watchers online, and it's really been helpful. How is recording it in WW online journal,and never interacting with someone different than me recording it in Sparkpeople, and never interacting with anyone outside of the virtual world? Even that got to be too close, and I bolted for a while. My wounds are deep and laced with peanut butter and healing is a long slow time coming.
What does Health look like? for me. it's an ability thing. When I am able to walk to Safeway for morning tea, when I can reach for the top shelf, when I can buy clothes off the rack at any old store (I would love to thrift shop and wear vintage, but those threads don't come in queen), When I can stand up from a chair and not have it hurt, when fibro is a dim memory, when I don't take a handful of pills each morning and night just to stay stable, then I will feel healthy. It's really not the scale, or the BMI, although that will follow. It's knowing that I will be -perceived better if I looked healthier. Would you take beauty health care self care career advice from someone who looked ragged, was overweight and unhappy in her job? I need to change to fit the role I am designing for myself.
That's the picture I want to send to the world.